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Jill Peterson & Mary Frances | Facilitating Mentorship for Teens

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Hosted by
Mike Ayala

On this episode of Investing For Freedom, Mike is joined by Jill Peterson and Mary Frances from Girls Mentorship. Jill and Mary tell us all about the amazing work they have done mentoring teen girls, including Mike’s daughter. Jill and Mary share some valuable tips that parents can use to have conversations with their teens and why finding mentors for teens is so important for their future.

“We’ve gotten to bring girls into the fold and make them feel like they have another place to turn if they’re too nervous, scared, whatever the verbiage there, to go to their parents for things.”

FIND | JILL & Mary:

Website: GirlsMentorship.com
Instagram: @GirlsMentorship

HIGHLIGHTS:

0:00 – Intro to Jill and Mary
2:55 – Mary explains how she has had the greatest impact on her own life
8:38 – Mary and Jill talk about how personal development could have helped them when they were younger
9:59 – Mike asks Jill about the one thing that has had the greatest impact on her success
15:04 – Jill explains how you have to hire people smarter than you
16:25 – Mike tells a story about a friend who spoke negatively about his daughter and his problems with her and how Mike approaches it much differently
19:45 – Mike asks Mary what her biggest setback was and what she learned from it
34:56 – Mike talks about the effect the mentoring has had on his daughter
39:03 – Mike asks Jill what advice she finds herself sharing the most
42:37 – Mary and Jill talk about Girls Mentorship, what it is and how it started
50:14 – Mary and Jill talk about the dad-daughter relationship and where it comes from
55:09 – Men take pride in their work, how do you adopt that at home?
59:39 – Mike asks what Jill and Mary would say to someone who hasn’t shown up for their family when they’ve been needed
1:03:01 – Mary and Jill explain a parent could approach a daughter to get mentorship and what is the process like
10:4:54 – Mary and Jill tell us what’s going on this summer

 

FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Mike Ayala: Thank you for joining me on The Investing for Freedom Podcast. I am so excited to bring you this episode today, because these two women have had a profound impact on my life in a way that I’m excited to talk about. And I think you guys, as my audience are going to be super excited to hear what’s going on out there. And I was telling the girls before we started recording today that I actually think this might be one of the most valuable episodes for a certain demographic of my listeners, which is the person out there that has some young female in their lives, a teenager, a young woman that’s growing up, whether it’s a daughter, whether it’s a granddaughter, whether it’s a sister, if you fit into that at all, I think you should listen up and really just open your ears to what these two women have to say. They’re just making huge marks on the world and their vision. You know, Kara and I have sat at dinner with them and just listened to the things that they’re doing and how big their passion is and how they want to just impact young women. And so if you have any young woman in your life, you should continue to listen because these women are powerhouses in that area. So Jill, Mary, thank you for being on the show.

Mary: Thank you for that wonderful introduction. And I just want to say everyone has a young woman in their life, whether it is a daughter, a niece, a friend, we, as a society are surrounded by young women. And I think you’re right, this subject matter is going to behoove everyone because when every, when a ship in the Harbor rises, we can all rise together. However that saying goes, but it’s like just you showing up in your normal every day, today life having this information or being a part of this conversation is important.

Mike Ayala: Yeah. I agree with that. And very seldom, can you like lump everybody with a certain avatar into one group, but everyone has a young woman in their life. So it’s exciting, Jill, how are you?

Jill: I am great. I’m doing really well. How are you?

Mike Ayala: I’m excellent. Excellent. Happy to be with you guys. Yeah. We had some technical difficulties and these women, which usually I don’t have, but these women just stuck with me. And so I’m excited actually to like, it’s almost like we intentionally kept them on edge so that they could just build up the excitement and really just deliver value to you guys. Totally, totally.

Mary: Now are ready for the good stuff.

Mike Ayala: So Mary so we decided that we’re going to take the questions, they’re going to take turns. So Mary, who has had the greatest impact on your life?

Mary: I was thinking about this earlier. I didn’t prepare much for this either, but I read over these questions this morning around seven, and I don’t want this to sound selfish in any sort of way, but I think I’ve had the greatest impact on my life thus far, totally open to that being other people, mentors, whomever wants to step into that role moving forward. But I just feel like I’ve been able to Bob and weave and pick myself up and be really self-aware and check myself and better myself from, you know, family money stories and trauma and abuse. I’ve been able to overcome all of that to turn around and be an example for somebody else in my shoes that I feel like up until this point, I can honestly say that I’ve been the best example for me to go off of that things can be done. And if I want them to be those doors can be blown wide open.

Mike Ayala: That’s awesome. Yeah, if you’re not going to show up for yourself, who’s going to, right? It’s kind of crazy, so it’s interesting. I’m thinking back and I can think of three episodes where the guests said that same thing and the three that I’m thinking of are probably people that have had some of the greatest impact on my life. And so you’re not alone in that. And I don’t think we think about that a lot. Like I don’t think, you know, I think sometimes we’re so beat down in life, you know, people just going through life, they’re trudging through life and they don’t think about how amazing we are. And I’ve had a couple experiences lately where like, literally I’m talking to myself, I’m like talking myself, I’m teaching myself. And so when you’re saying that I think the reaction might be like, well, how can you have the greatest impact on yourself? But the reality is like, you’re the only one that can have a true impact on yourself because you decide, I mean, even if somebody else had a major impact and you know, taught you a bunch of stuff, if you don’t do something with that, what good is it? So I actually really love that. And I think it was David Osborne in episode one that said the same thing as himself, if it hadn’t been for him, you wouldn’t be where he’s at. I love it. Yeah. Good stuff.

Mary: That is awesome. I’m excited to tune into that episode and hear what he had to say. I really, I thought about it for a long time and you’re right. I have so many people in my life who have impacted me, but it’s like not every single one of them was there through the trials and the tribulations and the separate trials and tribulations, the ups, the downs, the ebbs, the flows. It’s like, I was there through all of those. And I had full capability to sit down on myself. I had the choice to say no, or to just continue to put my head down and beat myself up. But I didn’t, each time I picked myself back up and continued on to learn the next lesson to be in the next chapter or whatever that looks like. It’s like, that was me.

Mike Ayala: I’m sure we’re going to circle back to this. You know, as we start getting into girls’ mentorship and, and what you guys actually do and the power behind all of that, but lately there’s been a theme and I don’t mean to get too woo too early on, but I think you guys are probably more, you guys are probably more woo woo than I’ll probably ever be. What I’m thinking of, I’ve had some experiences lately. We did some breathwork in our couples mastermind recently, and we had a guy come in that did breath work. And I was literally having this conversation, you know, I think everybody’s heard the terms like conscious, subconscious mind and then our higher self and all these like ethereal you know, people that we talk about that are really just versions of us. And when Mary says that, like that she’s had the greatest impact, it brings me back to that breathwork session where I was literally having a conversation with my conscious mind and my subconscious mind. And I think, you know, Mary, when you say you’ve had the greatest impact, like we walk around in our brain and there’s that old saying that, you know, we use 10 or 15 or 20% of our brain, whatever. Well, that’s probably true because we use that in our conscious brain, but really in order to become a hundred percent version of ourselves, which I don’t think I’ve even become close to tapping into that, we have to tap into that subconscious realm. And that’s really where that impact that Mary’s talking about. Like you can literally, you can have, when you tap into higher self, your subconscious mind in everything that you know, that’s where the change really happens. And so again, I think it’s almost like, when somebody says I’ve had the greatest impact on myself, it almost sets you back a little bit. But I think for the listeners that are out there, I mean truly tapping into our true higher self-that’s where that magic is.

Mary: Well, and it’s cool that you say that, because we’ve both experienced that ourselves. And we live that every single day, but the cool part is we’re teaching girls younger and younger and younger about that same conversation, about tapping into their higher self, trying on a new version of who they want to be, that they get to be the author of the book that they’re writing. And what kind of chapters do you want to read? So it’s cool that you are highlighting this because we’re like, yes, that’s who we get to be in our own lives. But we also get to reach our hand back to the girls that we’re mentoring and teach and share those same concepts with them too.

Mike Ayala: That is so good. And again, we can circle back to this if you guys want, but what a powerful tool that you guys are, I had no idea this was even like, what a powerful tool that you guys are teaching young women to tap into their true self, because that’s where the answers lie. And yes, they’re going to need mentors. Yes. They need you guys, girl mentorship. But also at the end of the day, if they really learned to tap into their true higher self, it’ll get them out of any situation. Any problem, any bit of depression, anger, emotional situation, whatever they need in life is there, you know, so not that they don’t need guidance, but the fact that you’re teaching them that early, I mean, I’m just tapping into it now. I mean, I’ve got glimpses of it over the years, but really, you know, we’re 30, 40, 50 years old learning this stuff and you guys are teaching this stuff when they’re young girls, I’m loving it.

Mary: I mean, that’s where it popped up. The question of God, this personal development, this personal growth, and development stuff is so great. We’re all in the rooms. We’re at the workshops. We’re at the women’s events, we’re in the masterminds. We’re doing the work for ourselves. It’s like, how much would this have behooved us at 12 or 14? It’s like, if we would have learned these lessons earlier, we would have been able to shorten the gap, right? It’s like, of course, Robin make dumb decisions. We still do it now. However, if I was 12, knowing that whatever I wanted in life, I could go four without constraint, a lot more apt to do things and to not take things so personally and not let other people get in my way, knowing that those relationships were probably really temporary or what that person said about me meant absolutely nothing about me and everything about them.

Mike Ayala: And you know, so circling back to like, even if you don’t have a young woman in your life, I think we’ve set this stage already, but obviously this is going to be amazing conversation. So I think we could quit right there, and it’d be awesome.

Jill: And we’re done.

Mike Ayala: We’re done. We’re over. All right. If you could narrow it down to one thing that has had the greatest impact on your success, what would that be, Jill?

Jill: The greatest success. Gosh, I haven’t thought about this question.

Mike Ayala: The thing that has had the greatest impact on your success.

Jill: Yeah. The greatest impact. Honestly, I’m still going to like chime in on this conversation that we just had. It’s investing in yourself. The greatest impact that I’ve had on my success is saying yes to me, to investing in my future. Honestly like also like overcoming those conversations of self-doubt or scarcity, you know, when you see a big ticket priced item that you’re like, oh, this sounds like something I would love to do, but I can’t afford it. The amount of times that I’m like, if this matters to me, I will figure it out. And I always have, and I’m so glad that I’ve put myself in that position or in the room. Because the ROI is me. The return on investment is my skillset. I think of myself as a saw, like, if we’re talking of a tool, like a bus saw and when I’m dull, guess what? That’s how I’m showing up in my leadership. So the more that I sharpen my saw by putting myself in rooms, by learning new skills, by reading, by being a student, always, that’s when I know I’m going to lead the best way that I can and be the best leader for myself, my family, my business, the girls that I mentor. So I would say I met like investing in me because we’re not taught that, we’re not taught to be selfish. And I feel like that’s where the conversation that Mary and I have with our girls often is it’s okay in this space that we create together, that you get to actually focus on you because we aren’t taught that. So it’s, I’m learning and busting through that myth or that lie to actually say, when you do take time for you, you’re going to be the best version of you in whatever you choose.

Mike Ayala: That’s so good. And you just connected like something for me that I’ve been talking about. And obviously I’m, you know, I’m into personal development and investing in growth and the masterminds, we’re always talking about that. But I found myself saying a lot lately because I think a lot of my listeners are investors. They’re business owners. We’re pretty good. We’re pretty good at, you know, developing an ROI around real estate. And I’ve had this conversation a lot lately and I’ll keep this short, you just connected part three for me, like closed part three. So as a real estate investor, if I’m going to buy a hundred thousand dollar investment property and I’ve got to put $10,000 or $20,000 down, and then I get a loan on it and it provides me, you know, I mean, if I’ve only got 20 grand into it and it pays me $10,000 a year, that’s a pretty good return on my investment. It’s like a 50% return on the money that I’ve invested. Well, we’re really good at that when it comes to real estate investing and then we take it down a level, a lot of, you know, people that I talk to, they have a hard time replacing themselves in their business because they’re like, well, if I have to hire somebody at 50,000 or 60,000 or 75,000, they just look at that as a pure expense. And I’m saying, no, we’ve got to shift that just like we do with investing in real estate, we have to shift that to investing in people. Because if I invest 50 grand a year in somebody at the end of the year, they’re making me a 5,000 or 10,000 or $20,000 of additional profit. Like that’s an ROI on a person. We just don’t really calculate that. And to take it a step further, if they free me up 10 or 20 or 30 hours a week, how much more can I go develop? So here’s part three that you just connected for me. I’m a fan of personal development. I’m only where I’m at because I want to be the dumbest guy in the room. Like one of my mentors says, if I’m the smartest guy in the room, I need to find a bigger room. Yeah, totally. So I’m all about investing, you know, in my growth and development, but just bringing that same principle in what we really need to do is sit down and figure out ahead of time, Okay. Because I think a lot of times we’re led by our intuition. I know that I just need to do this. And a lot of us that are led by our intuition, we just go do it. And so even, you know, sometimes a husband will have a wife, or a wife will have a husband that are like, you’re going to spend what to do what, and really what we need to do is connect that ROI. Okay. Yes, I am going to spend five grand or 10 grand or 15, whatever the number is a thousand dollars, but here’s the ROI that I’m going to get. And it’s funny because my audience, you know, they’re intelligent men and women that are pretty good at putting ROIs on certain dollars that they spend, but when it comes to developing ourselves or even in the case of what you guys are doing our young women, it’s really hard to quantify that. So thank you for connecting that for me.

Mary: You’re welcome. Thank you for seeing it that way.

Mike Ayala: That’s the best, I mean, you said it, I didn’t, that’s the best ROI that we can get is in humans. Like we just don’t think about it that way.

Mary: Yeah, totally. And it’s hiring, I mean, not that I need to go on it. I hired teams and managed people for a decade before this work. And my biggest thing was you have to hire people smarter than you. And the more that you pour into them, like it’s going to take time on the front end, but the back end, like you said, it’s going to free up more of your time to go and do your zone of genius or to go do the things that you’ve always been wanting to do to free up that time. So I love that. I love that we’re talking that, that it is about people, it’s about pouring into the people that you love so that they can go off and do great things, whether it’s in your business or for the world.

Mike Ayala: I’m sitting here thinking specifically of what you guys do, which again, we’re going to get into, and you know, full disclaimer, these girls, my daughter, my daughter is 17. And she’s been part of this mentoring program, which is, you know, one of the main reasons why I really wanted to have them on other than the fact that they’re just amazing women that I think can bring a lot of wisdom to the world. So, and I’m not going to go into like what Kaitlin learned and got out of it and everything, because that’s private to her. But the one thing that I can say, I’ve had so many conversations, we were literally talking about this, this week, where I was at a dinner with a guy that I had gone to high school with, with another guy that I actually coach, I am going to try to sum this up. So I coach a guy, we were at a real estate thing that we were looking at some property, and we were at dinner with one of his high school friends. And his friend started talking about all the trouble that he’s having with his daughter. And it was just all negative. And when he was done, so my client, I was living on a call with them yesterday and they were just mirroring this. And I didn’t even realize I did this, but they were saying that they appreciated the way that I approached this. I didn’t even realize that I approached it this way after he’s done and complaining about his teenage daughter for 15 or 20 minutes, then he looks at me and he’s like, Mike, you have kids. And I’m like, yeah. And you know, 21-year-old boy and a 19-year-old boy, and my daughter is 17. And he’s like, man, that must’ve been rough. And I’m like, no, actually it’s been amazing. And he just shut up and I never even really thought about this, but like, I don’t have anything negative to say about my kids. Yeah, I mean, are they perfect? No, but the way we approach it and the way that we, you know, feed into them, and invest in them, just like we’re talking about investing in ourselves, Kara and I have invested a lot of time and money and energy in our children. And it’s the same thing when it comes to these young women that you guys are nurturing and mentoring and teaching how to stand on their own two feet. The reality is the reason why that guy, I mean, so you can be one of two people. You can be the Mike. That’s like, no, I’ve actually invested time in my daughter and money. And you know, my own personal time, you know, being with her and listening to her, or you can be the other guy, that’s like, you know what, just working 70, 80, a 100 hours a week, never wants to invest any money. And you know what, she’s a shit head, that’s all he had to say about her. And I’m just like, that’s all projecting what you’ve like, what you’ve put into her, which is absolutely nothing. And so what you guys are doing is amazing and bringing it back to the monetary investment, we’re going to get there. But none of this is, there is a monetary investment around it. There is a time investment around it. And what’s really cool watching Katelyn go through this process with you guys. They’re not, as a parent, I have a certain role in her life. And I’m going to circle back to this with you guys. I’d love to just hear your thoughts. As a parent, as a dad, as a mom, uncle, whatever, we have a certain role in their life, but they need other mentors in their life. And that’s what I’m really excited about what you guys are doing because she’ll share things with you that you guys obviously, you’re not going to share with me that she would never share with me.

Mary: Yeah. Well, and I just want to point out one thing you said, like you have a great relationship with your kids, not just Katelyn, not just the girl that you’re bringing up and you still find it important to do mentorship, right. It is 1000% about the perspective. And I feel like we hear this all the time. It’s like that tired, old story that having teens is going to be hard, like the terrible twos, the awful threes, like we make up these stories and then we adopt them from other people and put them on like they’re our own when that doesn’t have to be the story. Even if that guy had to work 70 hours a week, he could still find time to pour into the things that are important to him. And I would help that, that is children for that not to also be his story. And it is total projection of what he’s feeling. She’s probably awesome. She’s probably super talented and has all of these skills that she can give back to the world, but she also needs the environment to be able to do so, or she’s not going to blossom.

Mike Ayala: That’s so good. I’m excited to keep unpackaging this, this is going to be awesome. Who are we on now? We’re on Mary. Mary what was your greatest setback and what did you learn from it?

Mary: I’d say being like a 21-year-old know it all. And getting myself into a shitload of trouble that I realized that I wasn’t invincible. I got a massive DUI when I was 21 car crash, two cars were totaled. I didn’t have car insurance. It was thousands of dollars at 21 years old. And I had a minimum wage job of course. Cause what else was I doing with my life besides pretending that I was invincible. And I learned, I think just the greatest lesson is that I can do hard things. And that regardless of if that was a setback, all that was a set up for the next thing that I was going to do, which led to the next thing, which led to the next thing, which led to me being here with the clarity that I could use my mess-ups and turn around and teach somebody like your daughter to avoid making decisions in the moment that could potentially take 5, 10 years to get over. And 5 or 10 years on the low-end mistakes like that could obviously really lead to, in my case, like somebody could have died. It was a massive car accident, and I was under the influence. So I could have gone to jail for much, much longer than the two days that I was in jail for the DUI. So it’s like being able to hindsight that and see it for yes, the mistake that it was, but also like the beautiful setup that it was.

Mike Ayala: Yeah. That’s so good. I love it. I’m really, really grateful for you guys just as I’m sitting here, listening to this, just even that experience, the fact that you guys are doing what you’re doing. And I mean, I feel like, you know, outside of like church and the girl Scouts and these structured programs, there’s not a lot. I don’t think there’s a lot that, and even that, I don’t know that it really, it doesn’t do what you guys are really, you guys are teaching these young women how to be amazing humans. And I’m just really like in that moment, just hearing that story, I’m just really grateful for what you guys are doing.

Mary: We want to be really honest. I feel like we, of course are professional and we want to be really sensitive around oversharing, but also being really honest of like, hey, we want you guys to learn from us. And there isn’t one thing that these girls have experienced or dealt with that we haven’t. And we will come from a place of love and understanding and no judgment, but our goal is to help prevent the mistakes and the heartache and the tough times. And if they choose to pursue a bad decision, it’s like, how do we support her and not then going down the shame spiral or the guilt spiral, but also saying, Hey, you made a mistake and it’s going to be okay. As long as we’ve learned something to not do it again in the future. So it’s, I think our approach is really coming from a place of our experience and sharing what the heck, we wish we had us, you know, don’t get in that car or like don’t sleep with that dude. And he doesn’t love you.

Mike Ayala: Well, and it’s interesting too, as you know, as you’re saying that Kara and I have always taken the, you know, I mean, obviously our kids don’t know everything about us. There’s not, we don’t talk about everything openly, but almost everything. I’ll just leave that for, you know, whatever you want to sort through. I think it’s super important. I think I’ve seen a lot of parents that want to shelter their kids. I’m involved in a couple of groups where it’s just like, you know, the entire conversation is all about like basically sheltering them. I’m like, guys, we’re going about this all wrong because I’ve seen this even in religious organizations, I’ve seen it where people shelter their daughters until they’re 18. And Kara and I’ve literally talked about, we’ve had this conversation from the time our kids were young. I would rather have our children experiment and go outside the boundaries, color outside the lines while they’re under our watch, that we can help them through that. And so like, you know, as Mary’s telling my kids know, I mean, they know that I was addicted to drugs, they know that I went to jail. Like we didn’t hide any of that, our conversation has always been open with them because the reality is, they’re going to find it out anyway, even in our home, like they’re being exposed to this stuff, whether we like it or not. And no matter how much you hide it from them, they’re eventually going to get it in front of them. And so the more we can be that support that Jill’s talking about, the more valuable it is. So I appreciate that approach. I’ve always, I think we might’ve even talked about this at one point in time, but when it came to children, you know, the bumpers at the bowling alley? Like I kind of look at us as bumpers. Like I don’t need to, I don’t need, they don’t need to get a strike. They don’t, I don’t care if they have a perfect 300, I’m just the bumpers. Like I just keep them out of the gutter. That’s my job as a parent.

Jill: That is such a beautiful analogy. And I’m taking that.

Mary: No kidding. And like you said, they’re going to find out anyway. And then I feel like that just creates more problems for you at home. It’s like the backpedal or the explanation, or having to have that hard conversation. Something I live by is like the more hard conversations I can have and then obviously teach our girls to have the easier those conversations get. So it’s like if I’m being reprimanded for something or, you know, heaven forbid Jill and I have a fight between our partnership. It’s like, we know how to have the conversation right away, because we practice now, we’ve fostered a space for us to be able to have conversations in the confines of what we’ve created and then squash it and move on with our day still being friends and business partners. So it’s like, why would you set your kids up for failure retrospectively around like not having hard conversations, getting blasted in the face with so much stuff that they were sheltered from, and then they don’t have a clue how to deal with it or process it.

Mike Ayala: Yeah. You know you guys, I’m sure you’ve thought about this, but as you work through this girl’s mentorship, like what’s popping into my brain right now. Like there needs to be a parent mentorship program that you guys do alongside of this too because I actually think as I was listening to that, I think parents are scared to have the deep conversations because they already know what’s happening and they don’t know how to handle it. You know, one thing that Kara and I have always said is we’ve always told our kids don’t lie to us. Like that’s, and actually that’s my rule at work too. Like with my team, anything else, like no excuses, number one, because excuses are not moving us forward. We’re just avoiding the problem. So excuses are not good with me, but with my children, Kara and I’ve literally had this conversation so many times with them don’t lie to me. Because if you, as long as you always tell me the truth, like we can get through anything. And I’ve told my technicians in my first business, like, I’d have a client that would call me and be like, your technician did X, Y, Z. And my natural tendency is to protect my employee because if they’re a great employee and they have integrity and we’ve worked together long enough, if they made a mistake, that’s one thing. But if they’re sitting here saying, no, that’s not what happened, X, Y that I want to be able to back that, but I need them to always, never, never, never violate that trust with me. Because if you don’t, then I’m always going to get your back. I’m always going to have your back. And I’ve told my kids that as long as you don’t lie to me, I can help you through anything. But here’s the other side of what I was getting at. I don’t think most parents are willing to make that commitment because when your kid comes to you and tells you the truth about what they’re doing or what they’re up against or what they did, you can’t retaliate against them because the minute you start retaliating, they’re no longer, okay, dad, I told you the truth. You told me I always have to tell you the truth, but now I get retaliated against. So what happens? There’s like this circle of vicious fear. And when we flip that as a parent, we have to be prepared for that outcome. And so I think you guys need to start a parent mentorship program too.

Mary: Well, and it’s funny that you say that because when we started this, it’s been about a year now we ran our first like call series last June 2020. And we were like, this is it. We’ve got something here. This is amazing. All we want to work with is girls. And we quickly found out that that was not, that wasn’t our ideal client avatar. That wasn’t the way we needed to language things. Because so many parents come to us with the sentiment that their daughter is broken or whomever they’re caring for is broken. And we are going to be the ultimate fix. Here you go. Fix them. And it’s like, well, where do you think the problems stem from?

Mike Ayala: It’s like, she’s a little Mary.

Jill: A hundred percent. And then we learn.

Mary: We have conversations with girls, and we’re starting to notice and have like unfoldings and we’re like, wait a second it was the way that her parents said this that made her feel a certain way. And now she’s resenting them and that’s where there’s conflict. So then we get to kind of be the mediator of saying, okay, how about you try this approach on next time? Or, you know, so it’s been really interesting to play both sides of that. And honestly, we live in a bubble. We hang out with people like you. And like, we hang out with movers and shakers and not all people do, and people don’t invest in themselves. And people don’t like to be better, to know better.

Jill: Have the mirror held up to them.

Mary: Yes. So we get to like offer small little glimpses in like light bulb moments where we’re like, duh, can’t you see that? And then we’re like, oh my gosh, they can’t because they have blinders on. So it’s helping them to remove the blinders to have a new perspective, to ultimately have a better relationship with their daughter.

Mike Ayala: I love that. And I think the reason why I resonate with you guys, I mean, obviously, cause I have a young daughter that you guys have just had made a huge impact on, but also like even my platform investing for freedom and what you guys just said, there’s this common theme that is said a lot. And I’ve even said it, you know, the gap between the wealthy and the poor is getting greater and the middle-class is actually getting eroded. So that’s a big core part of my message. But what I just heard you say was the same thing when it comes to, you know, people and morality and the way that their children are raised. And it’s not just financial, like the gap is widening between the people that have a great life and have been taught and have been trained. And the reason why, we could use this as an excuse, yes, there’s government printing and yes, there’s, you know, the school system has set us up for failure and yes, there’s all these reasons why the middle-class is getting eroded and the gap is widening. But the wealthy people, I’m in a group and we talk about being a whole life millionaire, not just like a financial millionaire, we’ve got to be a whole life millionaire. Like you got to be a millionaire in your relationships. You have to be a millionaire in your business and your family, like all this stuff. And what separates people like us is literally just invest. It comes back to what Mary was talking about, about like being so proud of you for investing in you and having the biggest impact. You know, Jill, you continue to talk about it. There’s like a theme here, but that whole thing about money printing and the government and all these excuses, school, I didn’t have this opportunity. I was born in the wrong neighborhood, all that stuff. So was I, my dad was abusive. He was a drunk, he was an alcoholic. He left me when I was eight. I’m not using that as a crutch. In fact, that showed me everything I didn’t want to be in life, and I used it for the opposite. So what I’m really hearing here, and I think this is important for our audience, because whether it’s you investing in your daughter or whether it’s you investing in real estate, or whether it’s you investing in starting your own side hustle or whatever it is, the government’s not the problem with this. You’re either going to make that decision to invest in yourself and invest in the people around you, or you’re going to, you’re going to start sliding. And that’s really back to what I’m really excited about you guys launching your podcast and the platform that you’re doing. The reason why I’m doing what I do is just to sound the alarm. Because if a hundred people hear the message and only two or three, which is probably the percentage are going to act on it. Fine, but at least we helped those two or three. But at the end of the day, like Mary said, it’s up to them to make the move.

Jill: Totally. And just those two people imagine the ripple effect, you throw one stone in the pond and how big does the ripple get? So we’re the same way. Like, we’re not miracle workers. We say we are, we are gardeners. So we’re planting the seeds early, but we also need the people. So the families, the communities, the schools to also water and nourish the seeds that we’re planting. It can’t just be solely on the girls. So we need parents to see that they’re worth it like themselves to be the best version for this world so that we can inspire and empower the next generation to also see that for themselves.

Mary: Well, and to circle back around on the investment, like you said it earlier, big ticket items are like, Ooh, scary investing in yourself is a big ticket item. I don’t care how you want to slice it. It just is. And it’s like, we get pushback on pricing a lot, but it’s like you would rather pay for a summer basketball camp that costs five grand, not knowing that your daughter’s not going to play basketball in two years, rather than giving her tools to build up self-Confidence, self-awareness, self-esteem social skills, the ability to have hard conversations, to think abundantly all the things that we touch in within our program. It’s like, those tools will serve her for the rest of her life.

Mike Ayala: So good. Yeah. And I can attest to that. I mean, just watching Katelyn after working with you guys, like, it’s really just, it pulled a lot of stuff that was obviously in her to the surface, to where we could see it. Like good stuff. You guys probably on some bad stuff too. I don’t know. But she’s a whole different person. She’s, you know, she’s very, very grounded after spending time with you guys. So I can see it and I appreciate that.

Mary: That’s the biggest compliment.

Jill: Yeah. It really is. And no bad stuff.

Mike Ayala: Yeah. She’s all perfect. Just kidding.

Jill: I mean, you’re right. There were stuff on the outer banks, like sporadic and scattered thoughts to just be able to bring those in for her to see them clearly and either dismay them or go hard and work on them. Those were some cool conversations that we got to have.

Mike Ayala: Well, and even, you know, we’re kind of joking about it, but the reality is the way you guys work. I mean, I’m sure she, nobody’s perfect. So it doesn’t, I’m sure she had, I love the way you guys worked because I mean, you’re her mentors and advisors. We had some calls together and regrouped and connected on what you guys saw and how we could support her. But the reality is, is like, it’s so nice as a parent, having you guys on the other side of that, knowing that she has a place that, and I really believe this, if she’s ever in trouble and feels like she can’t come to us or she can’t get us, she has a place to go. And that’s like, that’s the most valuable thing that you know, as a father sitting on the other side, like, I’m literally going to, I’m tearing up a little bit here, but that’s the most valuable thing that a dad could have in life.

Jill: I mean, we’ll see her tomorrow, whenever this air, we’re spending the evening with her tomorrow. And it’s fun to be able to establish boundaries and relationships together and be able to call on her when we want to spend some time with her for something. And it’s like, that’s one of the most fun parts of our job, I think, is just being so integrated into the families that we get to be a part of. It’s like we went to her end-of-year dance concert. We’ve gotten to go to graduations. We’ve gotten to enroll girls in photoshoots and just really bring them into the fold and make them feel like what you just said that they have another place to turn if they’re too nervous, scared, whatever the verbiage there, to go to their parents for things.

Mike Ayala: You know, it’s been such an inventory thing that Kara and I have had in our life and it’s nice, somebody said something, and I don’t even remember where we heard this, but somebody said the best way to do an inventory on your inner circle of friends is to look at them and say, you know, do I trust my daughter with these people? And that was such a, you know, I looked around and the answer to that was yes for me, but it’s been such like a, and this was years ago, this was probably 10 or 15 years ago that I heard this the first time. But it really, and it was brought in a sense of not really even thinking about the kids. Somebody said it in the sense of checking your inner circle, like who are you really hanging around with. And would you want them raising your children and speaking into their life? And that was such an inventory check for us. But again, I don’t know why it’s popping in my head, but just having people like you. Yeah, so we need to work on our inner circle and make sure that, you know, we’re comfortable with Jimmy, who could be my best friend being uncle Jimmy to the kids, but also, you know, just taking that next step and having someone that isn’t our friend, because Jimmy’s a fictitious person, but Jimmy is my friend and he’s Uncle Jimmy to my kids. But still, it’s not the same. Like our kids need adults and people in their life that we know and trust, but yet are their relationship and not Uncle Jimmy. Does that make sense?

Jill: And it’s cool. We have programs. And the fact that your daughter has reached out to us several times after her program is over just to say, hi, I miss you. Here’s what’s going on. You know, that’s when we know that we’ve done our job is after the fact, it’s like, okay, go spread your wings and fly, but always know we’re here. And we’ll check on you. Cause that’s what we do. But when they feel comfortable enough to reach out to us, to check in, to say, Hey, I want to celebrate this with you guys. Cause I know this is what we’ve been working on. Like it’s the most greatest feeling in the entire world. And that makes us so proud where it’s like, okay, we didn’t hound her to ask her to text us. She’s that excited and she’s that proud of herself. Because most importantly, we teach our girls, does it make you proud? Like, of course we want to validate that. We want you to know that we’re proud of you, but at the end of the day, it’s not about us being proud of you. It’s about you being proud of yourself. And so when she can feel that and then deliver it, and share it, we know like damn, clearly, we’re proud of her, but the fact that she’s proud of herself, she’s going to seek that again and again and again, to know that it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks it matters what she thinks. And then she’s excited enough to share that .

Mike Ayala: That’s so good. Let’s wrap up this fourth question and then we’ll go wherever you guys want. What is the piece of advice you find yourself sharing the most? And I think we’re on Jill, right?

Jill: Yeah. That’s me. I was thinking of this and Mary and I say this again and again and again with our girls that everything is figureoutable and everything is fixable. So when girls are in a very deep depression, because they made a really dumb mistake, we can say, you know what? It’s okay. And everything, let’s figure it out. Let’s create a strategy. Let’s talk about steps to overcome that feeling of anxiety or overwhelm. So it’s letting people know, not only do we say that to our girls, but I find myself as a mother telling my kiddos that or telling my husband that when he has a bad day and he’s like, I have to lay off everybody. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I’m like, you’re going to figure it out. And you know, it’s one foot in front of the other. So the two F’s figureoutable, our own word for sure. And everything is fixable.

Mike Ayala: You know, I love that. And one of my mentors, he’s probably like 80 or 85 now he’s his name is Barry. And he told me one time, I don’t even know why he was telling me this, but he was telling me, you know, the kids, their prefrontal cortex or something isn’t developed. And like when you literally ask them, like, why did you do that? They don’t know half the time. And that’s what popped in my head when you guys are talking about that. Because, and again, I think this is because I’m a dad and I just, these kids, not only girls, but we’re talking about girls specifically. I mean, they’re bombarded, they’re like bombarded with all these, most of the things that they’re, they don’t have a lot of like good influence in their life in general. And I think most of them don’t even probably have anyone in their life. And so when they do, I do stupid shit and my cortex is developed. And so, you know, when we look at these kids and yeah, and so like to have what you just said, like everything is figureoutable and fixable. For them to have a place, cause they probably weren’t even really thinking about what they did. And it’s not really their fault. Maybe even if they were taught morals, they’re testing boundaries, we all do that. But to have a place and a platform like what you guys are saying right there, just a process, like a two-step process, it’s figureoutable and it’s fixable. And then to have somebody that they can just like cry on, I don’t know, hats off to you guys.

Mary: Well, and like Jill said, we’re speaking from a place of experience. Because if anybody thought that life was over, it was me. I was intense city. I was literally chained to another woman who got a DUI and I was 21. So was my prefrontal cortex totally developed at that time? No, it wasn’t, but I did know right from wrong. So when I decided to make that decision, did I think that something horribly wrong would happen? Probably not, but it did. So at that moment in time, when I’m sitting there in a jail cell as a young 21 year old, after making this stupid decision, it’s like, life’s over, Life is totally over. And to now have that much space and distance and have created amazing relationships and opportunities. And all of the things that I currently have around me and amongst me in my life. It’s like, if that was figure out of all, if that was fixable, it doesn’t matter what it is because everything changes like it’s going to change. And as long as you can put some brain power towards the positive change of it, it’s going to be fine.

Mike Ayala: That’s so good. Well, we’ve talked a ton about girl mentorship, but not specifically. So why don’t you guys just like, where did this come from? Like, what are you guys doing? What do you guys, take the floor.

Mary: So we run a company called Girls Mentorship. It’s a personal growth and development company for teen and tween girls, Jill and I really invested in ourselves quite handedly over the last decade to then turn around. I mean, realistically, I think we both tried our hand at like, you know, coaching moms or coaching business owners and not, I’ll never say anything is too saturated because that just means that there’s an evolution happening within that. And there’s totally space for whomever wants to do that type of work. But it was very clear for us that, that wasn’t our calling. Jill and I were in a mastermind together for two years, one that we formulated between friends, where we were each trying on different things. She was a corporate leader at Lulu lemon. I went off and owned my own gym. Then she went to coach moms and there’s something to be said about just timing because we went through all that. We’d known each other for years up until the point where last year we put our heads together and she invited me on this call series, and it was magic. So there was such a point to the struggle or like hitting the ceiling as far as like why what we were trying wasn’t working. And I truly believe that it wasn’t working because this was supposed to work this partnership between us to be able to take all of our life’s experiences. And then all of the investments, time, money, energy effort that we’ve made in ourselves separately and together for personal development led to being able to say like, man, we started this late, like I’m 33 now, Jill’s almost 35. Like if we would’ve had this 15, 16, 17 years ago, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten that car. Maybe I wouldn’t have entertained those shitty friends for as long as I entertain those shitty friends. Maybe I would’ve, you know…

Jill: Hooking up with a toxic boyfriend.

Mary: Exactly. Gone after a different work opportunity, put myself in different rooms. So that in a nutshell is how Girls Mentorship came to be. And we put it out there and it just, it felt like it caught fire. It was right after the pandemic obviously where girls were struggling with anxiety and depression and not seeing friends or being involved in extracurricular activities. And it was like, this is needed.

Mike Ayala: You know, I’m in several groups and we talk a lot about, you know, legacy and gobundance specifically, it’s not just, you know, our life, it’s the impact of our children and our grandchildren. And like I was just listening to you and I was almost zoned out by it for a second because yeah, also, you know, maybe you wouldn’t have done this and maybe you wouldn’t have done that and maybe this, but also like maybe you’d be a much better mother and know how to raise your child. And maybe you know, you talked earlier about the ripple effect and when I’m thinking about my children and then my grandchildren, the fact that Katelyn has worked with you guys, like my grandchildren are going to be better because of that experience. And my boys’ children are going to be better because of that experience because Katelyn is going to be a better aunt. And so like, I don’t know. I mean, what you guys are doing is, it’s amazing.

Mary: We call that a movement. We are coining it. We want this to be ever ongoing far beyond when we leave the physical world.

Jill: It’s like a 500-year plan. 10-year goals and one second, 500.

Mike Ayala: Well we wouldn’t be where we’re at today, if there was more of this 20, 30 years ago too, like, I mean, everything that’s broken is because of lack of relationship building and lack of, you know, mentors. And there’s been a lot of programs, you know, you talked about being oversaturated. This is definitely an area that’s not oversaturated. You know, there’s big brother, big sister there’s, you know, a lot of great organizations, but there’s, I don’t know a whole lot of organizations that really do the deep work with young women and teach them life.

Jill: Yeah. Well, and our, our tagline is the more you know, the better you do. And oftentimes it’s just because girls don’t know, girls have never been taught how to be social. They just think, oh, I’m shy. Therefore I can’t make friends. And people also kind of water that belief. So girls then just take that on and, and wear that as their truth. And we get to step in and say, good for you for being shy. I know the most powerful leaders who are also quiet leaders, but the most confident and brilliant and strong. So they then get to say what? Oh, and I’ve never heard that. I just thought I had to be an extrovert like my mom, but I’m not my mom. And I feel really uncomfortable. But my whole family makes fun of me. So it’s interesting how girls are very in tune with what’s around them and what’s being spoken to them. So for us to teach them what they need to know to then go and do better. And then they come back and they’re like, I made a new friend. We’re like, to them that’s monumental. And for adults, we’re like…

Mary: You’re a teenager, you should be able to make friends. It’s like, no, you taught them how to use the restroom and brush their teeth. But did you actually teach them how to make friends? Or did you just expect that by watching you interact with your friends or by watching movies and TV shows that they’d be able to do it?

Mike Ayala: When you guys said something earlier, too, that I think is important to circle back to because even though it was unintentional, they need, our children need people from the outside because while it was unintentional, we probably created, again, I’m going to say it for like the fifth time unintentionally, I don’t think anybody does it on purpose, but we probably helped create some of those things that need to be broken. And Kara and I were literally having this conversation this morning, nothing to do with this, but there’s a couple that’s in my world. And I was having a conversation with them about coming into the, you know, the couples mastermind. And she was obviously scared to come into the mastermind because she had this preconceived idea about the level of women that are in that mastermind. And she’s not there yet. And I’m like, you got this all wrong. Like that’s not even what it’s about. And as I was telling Kara that, Kara said that this has been coming up a lot, like women, you know, is more catty. Like, men, we fight, and we just talk about it. Like you’re an asshole, you’re an asshole. Yeah. I’m glad we got that out of the way.

Jill: Women carry that around.

Mike Ayala: Yeah. Well, and Kara was talking about like, there’s been, she’s seen this a lot working with women lately where there’s these deep rooted things that come from when they’re in high school and junior high where everybody’s caddy and they get so like, I didn’t even thought about it because I don’t know. I mean, you guys are probably dealing with it every day, but what’s interesting the reason why I’m saying all that we can break it or help facilitate the breaking of it when they’re adults and they find, you know, a couples mastermind or whatever like us, or we can facilitate it when they’re young and they have mentors like you guys. And so they didn’t have to go through their entire life that way. I’m just, I’m so thankful.

Mary: And I think that this is a really important point in the conversation to bring up the importance of the dad daughter relationship. You said you never thought about it, but I know you’ve unintentionally or subconsciously poured into your daughter in a way that builds her up as opposed to either placates her or allows her just to deal with the cattiness. Because where does it come from? It’s like, sure, does it come from teenage relationships or elementary school relationships. It could also come from mom. You know, what do mom’s friendship strips look like, is mom tearing down her friend, Susie, because Susie was in a hole one day and the daughter’s sitting there listening to that. And it’s like, if dads tune in and they might not understand why it’s happening and they might not totally get it, or know what to say, but if they can tune in and build up, regardless, always be building up, always asking little things about the day, and not saying, oh, don’t worry about that honey. But like, you know, creating that space for the daughter to come in and share those things, regardless of the level of understanding that can create a whole new set of tools and almost superpowers for a girl. Because that relationship with dad is so incredibly important. And we get the term daddy issues thrown around quite a lot. So if there’s any little nugget that any guys here could take away, it’s that, it’s be present for your daughter through the situations that you don’t understand at all. That’s okay. You don’t have to.

Mike Ayala: Well, and when you’re saying that, and I’ve had to work on this with Kara, I mean, as guys we’re fixers too. And so I’ve done this work like with my wife, you know, sometimes I just need to listen and support and, but even more so with like our daughter’s, like, we don’t need to fix everything for them. In fact, we can’t fix everything for them. And I think, you know, as you’re saying that, that kind of anchored a little further in me, just need to be a support to her, you know, just be that strong person that she needs. And so thank you.

Mary: Yeah. Well, thanks for being a great example to that, whether it’s unbeknownst to you or your fully operating in that zone now, like you are a fantastic father figure to all of your children, especially your youngest daughter.

Mike Ayala: Thank you. Appreciate that. That’s like the ultimate compliment and just, you know, that’s what we’re here for. It’s amazing.

Jill: Well, and we want more dads to feel that yeah, we want dads cause there’s so many dads who don’t have the tools, don’t have the awareness. And that’s where we’re really passionate about building. Like you said that parent mentorship piece to our business because dads deeply care, they deeply care to make an influence. And oftentimes it’s just removing the dark Oakley sunglasses off of their eyes and maybe putting some like clear, cool Warby Parker glasses on or something.

Mary: I am going to go on a total tangent on this. But it’s like, our society has told guys to man up and rub dirt on it and not show emotion. And unfortunately like those notions bleed into relationships. So we’re masculine, we’re feminine. We can’t blend the two of those things without being called names or being made fun of, but it’s like that doesn’t serve you, that doesn’t serve your family. So it’s like, you don’t have to man up, you can totally man down, you can put the man down and have a conversation with your daughter around totally female stuff. And it really, really, really served her for years to come, rather than putting up that wall of being, you know, rough and tough and having her remember that.

Mike Ayala: That’s so good. And I think, you know, sometimes we think we look at somebody that has it figured out and oh, you know, they’re special. They got it. Whatever. No, it’s that deep work. It’s the same thing that you’re talking about. Like when you were just addressing that dad and you have to be intentional about it. I remember from the time Katelyn was little, like I would grab her every morning that I could, as she was walking, she’s just a Ray of sunshine, but I would tell her every single day, I’d I literally say to her, go make someone smile today. Like bring someone joy and literally every single day, well, not every day, I didn’t do this every day, but so many days I like just set a little blessing over my kids. Like they have favor with God, they have favor with man. They have favor with their teachers. They have favor with their friends, like just a little affirmation, I would speak over my kids every day, but I had to be intentional about this stuff. And so I think a lot of times, you know, we said this earlier in the show, but I think sometimes parents might be a little bit even scared to start breaking this open, because of the work that it’s going to take. But you know, what, if we expect our kids to show up, we have to show up. So I love the way you said that.

Mary: That is so true.

Jill: Well, and oftentimes I feel like, especially for men, men in work really take pride in their work, whatever work they’re doing, whether it’s in corporate or real estate or whatever industry that they’re in. And they are this persona. They get to be this leader or this figure or this mentor, whoever it is and it’s like, how do we adapt that in our home as well? You know, you can still be the CEO, but in your home. And I’m sure you can probably rattle off your company values at Google or Tesla or whatever it is. But do you have family values that you talk about with your kids? So how do we also prioritize who we are in the home, the same way that we prioritize who we are in the office.

Mary: A whole life millionaire.

Mike Ayala: Yeah. Take it. I’ve had this conversation a thousand times, but there’s a scripture in the Bible that says, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, but to lose his soul. And I’ve shifted that. I don’t know why, but from the time I was a young father, which is actually the entrepreneurial journey that Kara and I went on, I don’t want to go off on this right now. My listeners know it, but literally the dad that I didn’t have was a mirror for me. And by the way, when we’re talking about trauma and all the bad things and everything, like you can go two ways with that. So all the stuff that I went through when I was little, like I work with a coach every Monday morning that I do some deep work around. And there’s been times where I thought I needed to be broken because I went through such a shitty childhood, but I’m not broken. Like I’m a Victor. Like I took those situations and I used them for good. So you can take mirrors in your life and you can just like marry your story. I mean, you took that, and you made a good thing out of it. And so from the time I was a young dad you know, I was working a ton and I had a W2 job and that’s why we actually quit. That’s why I quit and started my own business because I literally thought at that point in time, if I’m going to work 110 hours a week as a slave to someone, I might as well be a slave to myself. And this was not the way that I wanted to show up. And so I started that business and then I realized that you can run a business and not miss football games and not miss baseball games and not miss dance recitals. I’ve been to every single, I can’t think of one dance recital and Katelyn danced all over. Like we would travel, I ran businesses. Like, that’s all just a crutch and an excuse. Like it’s a bullshit excuse. And so when you were talking about it, Jill, like, that scripture from a young dad, it wasn’t the same, but I kind of twisted it in my brain. What does it profit me to gain the whole world, but lose one of my children or lose my family? And it’s nothing, nothing.

Mary: That gives me chills, Mike.

Jill: You just said it, it’s nothing. And like, I always love when people are like, okay, on your death bed, you know, what do you want to be remembered for?

Mary: My Instagram followers.

Jill: Is it work or is it like the legacy that you, you know, so don’t wait until you get to that moment to then look back and be like, I wish I could have. You know, it’s like, you get to do it now, we have choice. Choice is one of my favorite concepts that we teach our girls, you get to choose who you get to be every second of the day, you get to choose. And it doesn’t matter if you have a credential or a title behind your name. Be that today, right now. So you don’t have to wait until you’re 80 to look back and be like, well, wish I could have done that. It’s like, do it now, do it now, do it now, do it now.

Mike Ayala: On the theme of do it now. And then I think we’ll probably wind her down. So we’ve had a lot of conversations about, you know, I don’t know. I’m just sitting here thinking, I mean, I haven’t been a perfect dad. I don’t know if there is a perfect dad, you’re not a perfect mom. So for the listeners that are out there that, you know, have been, cause I mean this could be a very heavy conversation. It doesn’t feel heavy to me, it feels very like light and exciting, but I’m just feeling that, you know, it could be a heavy conversation for some of our listeners. If they, you know, have not shown up or, you know, they are that CEO that’s been putting in too many hours or whatever. I don’t know what their situation is, but if they haven’t shown up the way that you guys are encouraging us to show up, like, what do you say to them at this stage? And I know I’m putting you on the spot.

Mary: It’s okay. Because what Jill just said is you get to choose again. So if you have the knowledge now, after listening to just a short snippet of what we offer, this conversation was fire and you still choose to be the CEO over the dad or the CEO over the mom. Then that’s on you. But if you’ve heard this conversation and these concepts have struck something up in you, tomorrow you get to make a new decision. You get to choose again. You can say, okay, work is really important, but I’ve done that over and over and over again. And I’ve constantly missed out on this, that and the other involving my family and my kids. I don’t want that for myself anymore. So what does it look like to start putting up boundaries? What does it look like to have a conversation with my boss’s boss about extended free time or taking a day off a week or working from home? Like there’s so, we put in these boxes to say it can’t be done when it absolutely can be. We’re going back to those tough conversations. You get to practice having them, if that’s what you want to choose, but again, you get to choose.

Jill: And I think the second piece to that is check in with your kids. If you know that the relationship is a little tarnished, I think being an example of ownership and integrity is the biggest gift you can give your child. Hey, dad has not been showing up for you the way that I’ve wanted to. And I want to apologize for that. Because when have you ever heard, you know, from a man that you admire and it’s like, oh, that vulnerability. But it’s like, if you’re going to recommit, you have to follow through or you’re teaching your daughter or your son that a promise doesn’t need to be kept.

Mary: And it’s okay to double back on a promise that you made to yourself.

Mike Ayala: Wow. You know, I think I’m just, I’m blown away by every time I heard somebody say a long time ago that most broken relationships are just misunderstandings. And you know whether it’s an employee or whether it’s your children or your spouse or whatever, like, especially with the children though, you know, when I’m hearing what you guys just said, like, who’s the adult. If anybody has the, the emotional fortitude, the tools, you know, the experience with human relationships, it should be us yet. A lot of times, you know, we’re projecting on them and waiting for them. And you guys just flipped that on us. Like, we’re the adult. We should be approaching that, we should be supporting. That’s fire.

Mary: Yeah. You don’t know. So how is a kid supposed to come up and say, Dad, I’d like to reevaluate schedules. So yeah, that’s the work we do. That’s who we are. That’s who we are for this world. And it literally has been, I think I can speak for both of us in saying it, it’s been one of the greatest gifts that we’ve ever both have given and been gifted, the ability to do this work.

Mike Ayala: So how does a dad or a mom or an aunt, or whoever’s listening, how do they like approach their children and say, Hey, I found this mentor that you’re going to go to, like, what does that conversation look like? How do people find you? And what is that? Like? How does the process go?

Mary: Well we’re big on Instagram, so you can follow us there. It’s Girls Mentorship. Also the www.girlsmentorship.com. And we get that question a lot. And that’s something like, we want girls to have a buy-in to our program, because if they’re forced to do something, then they’re going to give a half-assed effort and that’s not we want, we don’t want to work with anybody who doesn’t want to work with us. So if there’s someone that’s interested, we’ll have a conversation with the caregiver, the parent, we will talk about what’s been going on so we can get a rundown, but then we’ll go directly from that conversation to a conversation with the girl and say, Hey, this is who we are. We’re quirky, we’re loud, we’re energy. We’re cool. This is what we want to do. And is this something that you’re interested in because this is your program, we’re a team you. We’re not spies. We’re not going to go back and tell your parents everything that you’ve told us, we’re going to provide a space for you to offload. Is that something you’re cool with? And honestly, I’d say a hundred percent of the time they’ve been totally cool with it. That facetime is totally integral. I think when walls need to come down and trust needs to be established right away like, Jill and I are real good at that. If that’s a superpower of ours, it’s being able to strike up a conversation with the toddler in the room and the 99-year-old in the room. And it’s just been such a gift for us to be able to utilize our strengths in this way to make sure girls know, like, and trust us.

Mike Ayala: I love it. You guys have a lot of different programs. Is there anything else you want to specifically talk about right now?

Jill: Sharing what’s going on this summer. So we’re hosting, where we started Girls Mentorship was, which was camp social. So our virtual camp that we’re offering, they are mini camps. So we understand that there is a zoom burnout, we get it. And we’re getting a lot of requests for in-person. However, we thought online is our greatest way right now, to impact more girls and to bring more girls together, to show that they’re not alone in their struggles and what they’re going through. So we’re offering mini camps, meaning that we’re going to be hosting camps every week in the month of June and July. And they are four days long. So at four day commitment for one hour, for $99. So you can do one week, you can bundle two weeks or three weeks together. Every week is different. And they stack and build within one another or on each other. And then we’re just going to rinse wash, repeat in July as well.

Mike Ayala: Age?

Mary: Middle school and high school. Seven, eight, and then 9, 10, 11, 12. And we also have such a great focus on our one-on-one program still because there’s just been so much growth that’s happened throughout those. So couple of different offerings there. And then you mentioned a few times we’re starting our own podcasts July 1st. So we’re excited just have these conversations in Girls Mentorship too.

Mike Ayala: Very cool. Yeah. So you’re probably hearing this a week probably before it launches, so go make sure you guys go find that podcast.

Mary: Yeah. And everything will be in the link in our bio on Instagram.

Mike Ayala: Awesome. Well, I appreciate the conversation and I can attest to what amazing work you guys do. I mean, I’ve said it over and over, but I can’t thank you guys enough for the one-on-one work you did with Katelyn, my daughter, and highly, highly recommend you guys can’t say enough about it.

Mary: The feeling is totally mutual, you know how much we love and respect you guys too.

Mike Ayala: Thank you.

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Episode 135