If what Jim Rohn said is true and you are, in fact, the average of the five people you spend most of your time with— are you sure you have the right five?
On today’s episode, hear why you may want to put this saying to the test. Host, Mike Ayala, shares how investing in shaking up his network changed his life for the better. He shares the benefits of actively seeking out friendships for growth and the importance of transforming your mind to get to the next level.
Listen in to hear what steps you can start taking today to assess your own circle. Learn why making space for the new doesn’t mean getting rid of the old. Get advice on finding friends, contacts and partners that will help you create the life you want.
“I want to challenge you that if you look around and that group doesn’t inspire you, then I want you to really question whether you need to be making some new relationships.”
- [00:00] Intro
- [00:33] You are the average of the 5-people that you spend the most time with.”
- [01:31] Looking for more out of life
- [02:51] Committing to making things happen and widening the circle
- [05:55] Meeting new friends and making connections
- [07:08] Becoming the average of the right people
- [08:33] Know that you’re also the average of you
- [08:59] Who do you have to become?
- [11:45] Outro
Hey out there, today I am going to talk to you about a quote that many of you guys have probably heard from a man who probably most of you have heard about. His name is Jim Rohn. And the quote is, “you’re the average of the five people that you spend the most time with.” It’s kind of interesting to… I think probably three, maybe four episodes down the road, you’re going to be hearing from my good friend and a mentor of mine, Kyle Wilson, who is actually the founder of Jim Rohn international and this is actually an amazing story and you don’t want to miss it. Kyle Wilson was actually connected with Jim Rohn through a series of events and, and then made Jim Rohn an offer that he couldn’t resist and help Jim really become the man who Jim was. And get him in front of all the many thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of lives that he touched. So, really looking forward to that episode, and it’s gonna be such a blessing to have Kyle on. He’s such a great man, we’re going to talk about so many amazing things that Kyle has done with other speakers and, you know, people that you guys are going to recognize Brian Tracy, Og Mandino.
But anyway, getting into the quote, “you’re the average of the five people that you spend the most time with.” I want to just tell you guys a story about how this personally kind of impacted me. I remember a time it was probably maybe seven, eight years ago. And I was looking around, I was not really happy with where I was in life. Actually, I can pinpoint the time that it was it was probably 2000, late 2014, maybe early 2015. And I was just kind Looking around, and I had sold our company that we had started in 2004. I had sold it in 2014. And just kind of looking at what was next. And I this quote kept coming to me, like you’re the average of the five people that you spend the most time with. And I really started looking around and I was realizing that I wanted something more out of life. And, you know, I don’t know if any of you guys have ever been on a journey like this, maybe you’re on one right now. I think we go through these in many different phases in our lives, but you’re really just looking for something more. Well, that’s kind of what I was looking for at that point in time. And because of a series of events, I had, you know, been out with some friends and gotten into some squabbles, because somebody was asking my opinion on some business things and when I’d give them my opinion, they just never really wanted to hear it. It’s kind of what you know, you hear people say the term askhole. So somebody that would ask you your advice, but then once you give them your advice, they don’t really want to hear it, they get pissed off.
So anyway, I actually had sat down with Kara and I showed her a list of five friends that I was going to you know, try to reach out to connect with. These were people that I already knew in the community that I lived in at that point in time. But I didn’t really have like a friendly relationship with them if you will. And so I was like, you know what I’m going to reach out, I’m going to be intentional. And I’m going to become the average of five new friends. And it was kind of funny, because over the course of the next couple days, I started thinking about that list of potential friends that I had made. And I said to myself, man, if I wanted to hang out with these guys, or had anything in common with them, I probably would have done that by now. And that doesn’t mean that they were good people or bad people or anything else. It’s just like, I had known these people for a while. So why… why hadn’t I already made connections with them? And then what I realized all of a sudden, it hit me. I don’t necessarily need to have these five people in my backyard. It’s such a small world nowadays with technology and airfare and travel and, and just the conferences all over the world. And actually, as I’m recording this, you know, we’re going through the COVID-19 dilemma and the world’s actually gotten smaller. I mean, we feel like we feel like maybe the world gotten bigger and some of our travel is stalled, actually, all of our travel is stopped. But in reality, I don’t know if you guys are experiencing this, but the people that I’ve been able to connect with over the last four or five weeks just through zoom and the internet and all that, we really don’t have an excuse for leveling up.
But anyway, back to the story. A friend of mine had actually sent me a link to an event called the secrets of successful syndication. And so this was probably January, I’m gonna say January 20, of 2016. And I had been thinking about this, you know, you’re the average of the five people that you spend the most time with for a while. And I just knew in my, I just knew in my spirit that I needed to go to this event, and this event was like, a week away, but it was in Phoenix, Arizona, and I told Kara, my wife, I said, Hey, listen, I need to be at this event. And she’s like, I’m going with you. So we literally bought the event tickets, we booked airplane and we came to Phoenix. And that was just one of those times where when you know that you Know that you know that you have to be somewhere you, you need to make that happen. And so we came and long story short, we connected with a bunch of great people at that real estate guys event. And I ended up joining the mastermind that weekend I knew it was something that I needed to be in and I had a whole bunch of things. You know, Kara and I kind of talked about it. And even though we knew we needed to be there, I was kind of like, I need to be able to travel because there was a commitment to the travel schedule and the events and all this stuff. And so we decided that no matter what it took, we were we were going to make this happen. And what that really meant was I would have to travel you know, some of these trips were International, some of them were around the country, and four to five times a year and that doesn’t include certain events, maybe three or four more times. So basically I was gonna be traveling like eight to 10 times a year but it would solve that problem of becoming the five you know the average of the five people that you spend the most time with.
So I connected with this group did the mastermind started really traveling and getting involved in those mind storming sessions for a couple days at a time. And that’s where I ended up meeting my my current business partner, Andrew Lenois. And I’ve met so many amazing people. You know, a lot of you guys are probably listening to the podcast right now and friends and connections, I literally have found so many amazing connections through just that. That little thought process of becoming the average of the five people you spend the most time with, and, and just looking around and taking inventory about whether I was happy with my group or not. That led me on this whole entire journey.
Fast forwarding a little bit probably I don’t think it was that event, but there’s a cruise that they do every year called the real estate investor summit at sea. And so Kara and I got back from that January event and I think the investor summit at sea that year was in April and we decided we’re going on this thing. And on that particular cruise I believe it was on the cruise is where I met Kyle Wilson, who, as I said in the intro, he’ll be on an upcoming podcast- but, this guy just blew my mind has become a great friend, a great mentor. And like I said, probably knows Jim Rohn better better than most.
So my point here is, not only do you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with, but it also takes you into their connections and their relationships. And this, this whole, this whole connection thing can go so much further than what you could even expect. So, I would just encourage you, you know, when you’re thinking about the five people that you spend the most time with, look around you and really take inventory. And I’m, I want to challenge you that if you look around and that group doesn’t inspire you, then I want you to really question whether you need to be making some new relationships.
And here’s the thing that I’ll say, just because you need to make new relationships doesn’t mean that you necessarily need to get rid of old relationships. If those relationships are toxic and you need to move on, then that’s another conversation. But you could have friends that you know have been your friend since high school or elementary school or college. The journey that it doesn’t mean, I think a lot of times we get scared to go out and make new relationships or get into new arenas in life. But the reality is you don’t have to leave the old stories behind. You don’t have to leave the old relationships behind. Again, unless it’s toxic, or for some reason, you just feel that you’re being pulled apart. That’s not necessarily the case. So the other thing, you know, and I’ll just ask the question is, when you look around, and you see the average of the five people you spend the most time with, just really ask yourself, Is this a good thing? Or is this a bad thing? How does my average look?
So you’re going to become the average of the strongest or most listened to voice in your head as well. That’s another point that I want to make. We spend more time in our own head and in our own conversations than anywhere else. So take stock in how you’re treating yourself and how you’re talking to yourself to because the most listened to voice in your head is really what’s going to drive your daily decision. So that’s just kind of a little sidebar that I often think about.
So here’s another little thing that I constantly saw, in the last, I don’t know, three or four years. Every time I want to level up or get into a new group or get into a new place of life, a new mindset, I have to ask myself the question, Who do I have to become? In order to get into that group? I started asking myself, when I go to a new event, or you know, I’ve been on the investor summit at sea with the real estate guys, I think three times. Before I go on a longer event like that, or even a two or three day event, I asked myself, what’s my intention in this event? How am I going to show up when I get there? And I’ll challenge you with this, I would ask yourself the question, Who do I have to become in order to get in that group? Because a lot of times, you know, we’re thinking about, oh, how do I find a better group? Or how do I break into a better friend group or how do I break into a better mastermind, any of that kind of stuff? Well, the first thing I mean, you could pay to get into almost any group you want to, possibly. But a lot of times, you’d be surprised at how selective some of the masterminds that I’ve been a part of or that are even, you know, probably probably future ones that I want to be a part of, you’d be surprised at how selective they are. Because you can’t go into a 10,000 20,000 $50,000 mastermind. And just expect that they’re not selective on who gets in there. If they don’t be very selective on who gets in groups like this, then it waters down the value of the group. So here’s the question that I have to ask you. It’s not only about the five people that you’re looking for, to increase your average. Who do you have to become in order to get in that group? What kind of mindset Do you need to bring to the table when you’re going to an event or if you’re going to go have dinner with somebody that you’re trying to make a new friendship with? What kind of conversations Do you have to bring to the table? What kind of energy Do you have to show up with all these questions or questions that I would really challenge you? To think about, because a lot of times when we think about the average of the five people we spend the most time with, we’re looking at what we can get out of it. But I’m going to challenge you, because I don’t think that it’s really about the other five people, I think it’s about who do I have to become, in order to be attractive to people that are going to let me into their circle in order to pull up my average. So I’ll leave you with that.
Maybe just take stock and inventory and what you have going on. And you know, some of the things in life that you need to lay down in order to level up your average of the five people you spend the most time with in order to accomplish everything you want to outta life. So I hope that helps you and just go out there and prosper. Have a great day. And I hope that you find everything you’re looking for.