On this episode of The Investing For Freedom Podcast, Mike discusses the roles you play in your life and how important it is that you take inventory of them. Mike talks about how you can have a successful career and be a great husband and be a great dad without having to sacrifice any of them! Mike speaks about The Front Row Dad group shares some advice he has been given from dads within the group.
HIGHLIGHTS:
0:00 – Intro
0:36 – Mike states that you can be a successful business owner or have a successful career, and be a great husband and be a great dad – you don’t have to sacrifice any of them
0:51 – Mike speaks about the Front Row Dad’s group and an experience he had with the group recently
1:56 – Mike mentions how in this order, he wants to be the best husband possible, be the best dad possible and show up and fill other roles that he has in his life
2:20 – Mike talks about how it meant a lot to him when one of the dad’s from the group said that Mike had showed him that you can be all three without having to sacrifice one
3:23 – Mike states that he earned his freedom and strived to own his own time so that he could be at all his kids important life events
4:18 – Mike mentions how you really need to figure out what roles you play in life and take inventory and use it as a gage to whether you’re showing up in that priority or no
5:33 – Mike shares with us a conversation he had with Michael Carthy about some challenging thoughts he was having about his position as a dad coming to an end and mentions how Michael set him straight and made him realize that his role as a dad is still there it just changes slightly when your kids get older. They reply on you as a mentor or as a companion
7:11 – Mike states that this is why we need to get into rooms and this is why we need to have transparency about what we’re feeling
7:39 – Mike speaks about how we tend to tell ourselves bullshit stories like I’m grinding for my family and spending all these hours away from my family for my family
9:33 – Mike talks about some advice one of the dad’s from the group shared today about how when you know you’re going to entre a season of grinding and you’re going to be home late for a while – talk to your wife and kids about it and set the expectations up front so that everyone knows what to expect
11:27 – If you’re interested in the Front Row Dads group text the word ‘DAD’ to 48053175219 or visit the website https://frontrowdads.com
12:36 – Mike states that he hopes this challenges you to become the best version of yourself
TRANSCRIPTION:
Are you looking for freedom, freedom from the daily grind and hustle, or just finding a way to live the life you always wanted. Then join us on the investing for freedom podcast. Our host Mike Ayala will help you discover new ways to find freedom. With tips, insights, and interviews you’ll learn the exact systems he’s used to travel the world and live his best life. True success and happiness are all about freedom. And here’s your roadmap on how to find freedom on your own terms. Welcome to the investing for freedom podcast. Here’s your host, Mike Ayala.
Thank you for joining me on the investing for freedom podcast. Today, I am here to tell you that you can be a successful business owner or have a successful career and be a great husband and a great dad. You don’t have to sacrifice any of them.
And look, none of us are perfect, but I’m part of a group called front row dads. And we were at a summit today all day in online summit and just such a great time. And I wanted to just hop on and record this podcast while it was all fresh. That was one of the takeaways that, you know, a lot of times in these type of groups, we go into breakout rooms and John Roman, the founder and leader of front row dads does such a great job with this. But we broke out into groups today and had some question prompts and some interview style questions where we interviewed each other.
And the, that was what was mirrored back to me by a guy that I was in the interview room with. He mirrored it back and he shared it with the group that, you know, his biggest takeaway in talking with me is that you can be a successful business owner and be a great husband and be a great dad. You don’t have to sacrifice any of them. And I’ll be honest with you that you know, having him share that with the group that was his takeaway and something that he needed to hear was probably one of the greatest honors of my life. Because you know, that’s something that I’m super passionate about in this order. I want to be the best husband that I could possibly be. You know, I mean, that’s a daily thing that we have to work through and show up and just try to become a better version of ourselves. We’re not measuring it against anything else. But in that order, number one, the best husband possible, number two, try to be the best dad possible. And then number three, show up and fill other roles that I have in my life.
And so when this guy mirrored that back and said, Hey, one thing that I, you know, I took away from my time with Mike was that I can be a successful business owner and a great husband and a great dad. You don’t have to sacrifice any of them. That was huge. And so I wanted to share this with you, just a couple thoughts around that. You know, my oldest son is 21 and my middle son, Tim. So my oldest son is Dylan. My middle son, Tim is 19 and Cayton is 17. Cayton is the only one that’s still in the house. She’s a senior in high school.
And it’s interesting even just kind of, you know, reflecting backwards on, you know, when I joined front row dads, which was probably a year and a half ago at this point in time. Yeah, well, yeah, about a year and a half ago. So I had thought about joining front row dads, probably two and a half years ago, I had met John Roman when he was speaking at the Gobundance summer event in Austin. And I really was just attracted to him and his passion for being a front row dad and front row dad, the organization is exactly, you know, what it like, it’s all about, you know, being that front row dad. We’re front and center, we’re at all the events, we earn our freedom. We own our freedom, which is my whole passion with investing for freedom. The whole reason we do this is to own our time and to be able to go where we want when we want, etc. And for me, that meant owning my time to be there for my children. And you know, I did didn’t miss events. I was able to travel with them. I was able to take time off whenever they needed me. I just didn’t miss hardly anything in their life. And that is the essence of a front row dad. The tagline for front row dads is family men who own businesses, which I just think is so amazing. You know, we’re family men first, we’re husbands first and we’re fathers first. And then we, you know, own businesses, or have careers for some of you that are W2 employees and are listening to this.
So yeah, you know, this guy mirrored back and he said, you know, you can have your cake and eat it too as the old saying would say. There’s a couple things though that I really wanted to, I guess you know, share around my experience today with front row dads. I already shared this, but the roles in order, you know, I think you really need to spell out what roles do you play in life again, for me, it’s husband first, father second, business owner, mentor, leader, etc., you know, third, fourth, and fifth, whatever order that falls in for you. You should probably take an inventory of that and just use that as a gauge, whether you’re showing up in that order of priority. It’s a constant check in.
Anyway, so back to when I, you know, joined, I was really attracted to, you know, John Roman and what he stood for. But it was funny, I went through this period of time where I was really struggling with this limiting belief or this false idea that I had a narrative that was going on in my head, that my kids were, you know, basically young adults. And I was you know, almost not a father anymore. And it was really like a huge, I don’t know, it was probably partially a protection mechanism for you know, Hey you know, they’re adults and they’re not going to need me anymore. But as I really started working through all this, I realized this was really debilitating. And you know, it was going to start creating some challenges. And I was having a conversation with Mike McCarthy at a champions event for Gobundance. Mike McCarthy’s one of the founders of abundance. And, you know, I was telling him that one of the challenges that I was having was this, you know, thought that I was you know, I don’t want to say career as a dad. I’m at a loss for words. My role, my position as a dad was coming to an end, I guess that was the bottom line.
And Mike McCarthy sent me straight and he’s like, Mike, you know, it’s the exact opposite. You’re just entering another season and they might need you more, you know, now than they even needed you when they’re a little, because you know, a lot of times I think kids rely more on their mom as the nurturer. You know, this is a generalization obviously, but he was saying, you know, now that they’re coming into their adulthood, they might need you more as a friend, as a mentor. And it’s still a season as a father. It’s just the way that we show up as a dad to them changes in this season. And that was so freeing for me. And he said, Hey, Mike, I have a free ticket to a VIP event for front row dads, you should come. And it was so timely because the reason why I didn’t join front row dads was the same thing that I was just talking about. It was like, you know, I don’t know if I really belong there because you know, a lot of these guys have young kids and I don’t know if I’m going to relate. And Mike said, it’s the opposite. These guys need to hear from dads who have been there, done that. And their kids are, you know, graduating, moving on, moving into adulthood. He’s like, this group needs you more than ever. And so I was so grateful for him to just kind of setting me straight, which by the way, as a side note. This is why we need to get in rooms. And this is why we need to be transparent about what we’re really thinking. You know, a lot of times we build these walls where we don’t want to communicate and we don’t want to be transparent. We need to do the exact opposite. So, you know, that was a huge takeaway today. Seeing that mirrored back to me by this guy just kind of made it all worth it.
The other thing too, that was kind of reinforced for me today and I’ve shared this, you know, quite a lot in the past, but we tend to tell ourselves bullshit stories. And, you know, one of the stories that gets told a lot by dads or husbands, or, you know, really anybody, but we’re talking about dad specifically, and I was having a conversation about this today. One of the bullshit stories that gets told a lot is that, you know, I’m grinding, I’m working, I’m spending all these hours, I’m away from the family, but I’m doing it for them. It’s in their best interest that I do X, Y, Z. And by the way, as a side note, we all go through seasons where we have to grind and, you know, we got to work a little bit harder and we might miss them. I get that. I’m not trying to put guilt or anything, but the bullshit story that I really want you to be you know, making sure that I guess it’s not a story is do you really have to be working until 7, 8, 9 o’clock at night? I would encourage you to take inventory if you’re doing those kinds of things or working six or seven days a week, are you really fully efficient, is everything that you’re doing throughout the day. And so this is where we have to take inventory. Does it really matter? Are you in your zone of genius? Can you outsource some of that? Can you delegate some of that? Because it’s very, very likely that if you’re working 8 or 9 or 10 hour, you know, even 12, 14 hour days, 5, 6, 7 days a week it’s highly, highly, highly likely that there’s a lot of inefficiency and things in there that you’re doing that you don’t really need to be doing.
So we tell this bullshit story that we’re doing it for the kids. And the reality is you know, when your kids, when you wake up 18 years later and everybody says it goes fast, it goes fast. I can’t believe that Dylan was born, you know, 21 years ago. I feel like I’m 21 still. And you know, I get this all the time. There’s no way you have a 21 year old son. Yep, I do. And it went fast. So, you know, just make sure that we’re taking inventory or you’re taking inventory on the bullshit stories that you’re telling yourself that you’re doing it for the kids. And again, I get it, there’s seasons.
One of the things that was at actually advice that one of the dads gave today that I think kind of ties into this that I’ll share with you is when you do go through seasons where you’re going to be busy, or you have a big week ahead of you, or you’re going to be gone for a little bit, because you have a bunch of meetings or, you know, in the case of us right now, we’re restructuring our entire portfolio. We’re selling a bunch of assets, I’m taking on the investor relation role from my partner, so that he can focus on asset management. And we’ve got some great lending ahead of us. But anyway, I’m going into a season of grinding. And the advice that was given by one of the dads today that I just really grabbed onto is when you’re going to go into seasons like that, make sure that you have a conversation with your wife or your children or whatever, and set at the expectations up front. So we’re all on the same page. And we know what to expect. That will eliminate the challenges that come with it. If the kids know that you’re not going to be home until six or seven, o’clock a couple nights a week for the next three months or whatever, just set the expectation, and then they’re not going to care. But when it’s not really talked about, or the expectation isn’t set, or we’re not on the same page, that’s where problems get created.
So anyway, I just, you know, that’s about really, all I wanted to share is just I wanted to drop that in there. You know, you can be a successful business owner and a great husband and a great dad. It’s all about, you know, balancing priorities and making sure that everybody’s on the same page. And you know, I’ve said this so many times, but I’ve already mentioned the age of my kids.
And, you know, a lot of times, I’ll have people saying, oh, you know, I’m coming into the teenage years. And I dread the teenage years and you know, my kids are going to be hellions and I didn’t have any of those issues. My kids have been amazing and I would argue that or pose for, you know, thought that the reason why my children were not trouble and didn’t create a bunch of drama for me was because we’ve always taken this approach that we keep our family first. And so I’ll leave you with that. If you’re interested in front row dads, again, just text me the word dad to (480) 531-7519. I don’t get any referral fees or any of that kind of stuff. I just think this is a group that, you know, everybody who’s a father should be part of. There’s different levels. There’s you know, again, we are on an online summit today and you know, there’s a bunch of different levels in pricing and stuff, or you could just go check out front row dads. I think it’s probably just, you know, just go Google it, I’ll do it right now. Actually front row dads. Yeah, It’s www.frontrowdads.com. So yeah, shoot me a text dads to 480 531-7519 if you have questions or want to chat with me about my thoughts or what it looks like, you know, if not, if you want to go straight to the website www.frontrowdads.com.
So anyway, hope that helps you can be a successful business owner. You can have a successful career and keep your marriage intact and a priority and keep your children, you know, in line and a priority and just have a great relationship with them. So hope that encourages and challenges you to become the best version of yourself, go out there and make it a great day.
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