Today on Investing for Freedom, Mike Ayala is joined by another person who has played a crucial role in his life as well as being one of his biggest influences.
Kara and Mike Ayala are high school sweethearts and have been married for over twenty-one years. The two have three children and multiple businesses together while also pursuing their own individual pursuits. Mike and Kara discuss the impact that being a mother has had on Kara and how she has been able to be a successful individual while simultaneously being an amazing mother. They also discuss the importance of building trusting and meaningful relationships and Kara’s coaching courses that set out to empower women in their finances!
“Being a mom and raising children gives you a different perspective of your impact on people. Knowing that my impact on them and how I’m showing up in my life makes me show up as a better person.”
- [0:01] Show Introduction
- [0:34] Introducing the Guest
- [1:07] Start of the Podcast
- [1:14] Who Has Had the Greatest Impact on Your Life?
- [1:59] Greatest Impact on Your Success?
- [2:32] Greatest Setback and What You Learned from It?
- [3:35] Advice You Find that You Share the Most
- [4:35] Dreams of Being a Stay at Home Mom
- [9:36] You Can Be a Successful Women and Mother
- [11:08] Empowering Your Kids
- [17:02] Treating Your Kids with Respect They Deserve
- [19:00] Kara’s Brand
- [23:47] Relationship Principles Correlate to Finances
- [28:23] Advice for Couples Working Together
- [35:51] Kara’s Coaching Course
- [38:17] What Does Freedom Mean to You?
- [38:40] Freedom You Want is Constantly Changing
- [39:49] What Freedom Do You Protect the Most?
- [40:09] What’s One Way You Use Leverage to Gain Freedom?
- [40:44] What Do You Outsource Now?
- [45:27] Connect with Kara
- [45:45] Closing Thoughts
- [45:55] Outro
Want to Connect with Kara Ayala?
Kara Ayala | Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/kara_ayala/]
Kara Ayala | Website [https://karaayala.com/]
Four Peaks Partners | Website [https://www.fourpeakspartners.com/]
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Mike Ayala: Thank you for joining me on the investing for freedom podcast. Today as I often say, I’m like super privileged to have someone in studio with me that has had a major impact on my life and is probably, probably been one of the biggest influences on me. And I’m not setting her up to throw that back at me when we talk about the four questions, but I’ve got Kara Ayala, my wife, we’ve been married for 21 years and I finally convinced her to come into the studio with me and record a podcast. So I’m super excited. Kara thanks for joining us.
Kara Ayala: Thank you for having me.
Mike Ayala: So let’s just jump right into it. So four questions that I ask every guest to get the conversation going. Who’s had the greatest impact on your life?
Kara Ayala: The greatest impact. That’s a really good question. I think it changes throughout my life, but I think my mom has had a huge impact on me. She is always like, she’s pretty much, she’s not an entrepreneur, but she has that vision in her eyes. And anytime that we’ve stepped out in anything, she’s been great encouragement for me and always pushed me to step out in things that maybe she wouldn’t even step out in. So I think probably my mom and then also you have had a huge impact on me. You’ve really changed the way that I thought about money in the past. And just really helped me to Excel in that direction to have the abundance and that we can have abundance in our lives.
Mike Ayala: Awesome. If you could narrow it down to one thing that has had the greatest impact on your success, what would that be?
Kara Ayala: I think becoming a mom, honestly. I think being a mom and raising children, just like, I don’t know, it gives you a different perspective of like your impact on people. And I think knowing that my impact on them and what, how I’m showing up in my life makes me show up as a better person. So I think that that’s been my greatest contributor to my success.
Mike Ayala: What was your greatest setback and what did you learn from it?
Kara Ayala: Greatest setback, had a lot of setbacks. I think this has nothing to do with business, but when Dylan had his surgery and we didn’t really have control over it I think that that was like a huge setback for me at the time. But in hindsight it was like a huge catapult into like letting go of control. Cause there’s a lot of things we can’t control in our lives and trusting God and giving him full permission to do what is best and that everything that is happening to you is for your good. And so when you’re going through those hard times, I think that that is always a reminder to me that like I can endure really hard things and I can relinquish control over what is happening and let God do his work and just be led in my like that future self-guiding me.
Mike Ayala: That’s good. What is the piece of advice you find yourself sharing the most?
Kara Ayala: Piece of advice. I think I talk a lot about like money and stuff, but I think people really miss the point of like, what is the purpose of money? The purpose of money, it’s a tool for like the end goal, right? So I think just helping people to decide like what is like that they really want, sometimes we think we are wanting all these things or we’re chasing jobs or promotions or we’re chasing that next increase in our pay, but really what we want is that those relationships and that purity in those relationships. So I find myself bringing people back to that, like what is the true reason that you’re wanting this, and I think that that’s what I probably give the most advice on.
Mike Ayala: So man, we could go a million directions here and I kind of just left this open so we could just go through with it. I obviously know a lot about you.
Kara Ayala: You do.
Mike Ayala: So I remember a time when we talked about investing for freedom and I talk about this a lot and I think we probably should go here. From the time we got married and maybe even before we were married, you always said, and this is interesting because you said, if you could narrow it down to one thing, it was being a mom that had the biggest impact on your success. And I remember a time when we, again, maybe it was before we were married, but you said from the beginning that you wanted to be a stay at home mom, that was like your dream. Just talk me through that.
Kara Ayala: I think that, like I saw the impact that my mom always had on me and I liked having her close and I had other friends that didn’t have a mom around and they would come to my house and dinner would be there or there’d be cookies after school. And they would, and I would be embarrassed because of that, like, Oh yeah, my mom’s like got all these cookies out for us, but my friends loved that, and they loved coming to our house because they didn’t really ever have like meals at home and stuff. And so I think that that was like a driving force for me. And I always wanted my family to be a priority over everything. As the years went on, obviously I didn’t always just stay home, but I was always really present, and I always worked my schedule for them and for the benefit of them so that I was present there for them at all times.
Mike Ayala: That’s good. I remember actually, by the way, Kara and I are high school sweethearts, so I would actually go to her house and I remember the cookies, I remember smelling the cookies. Now this isn’t right or wrong because obviously as we determine what we really want and why we want it, what we’re going to do to get it, that’s individual, right? We set our own goals, we set our own values. And I’m actually, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. A lot of people don’t want to adjust their goals, but in reality, when you really dig down through that, I think the reason why people have a hesitation on adjusting goals is because it’s really value driven. So when we decide what we really want, that’s up to us. And so for the moms out there that are working because they have to number one or because they’re career driven or they’re, for whatever reason they’ve set goals. I don’t want to; I don’t want to take away from that. And like growing up, my mom was very driven. She was working two jobs half the time going to school, but the other side of that, like I saw what your mom did, and I saw what you’ve done for our kids too. And so there’s a lot of value in that. And I want to make sure that we really home in on that because you can be purpose-driven and be a very, very solid mom and not be career driven. Correct.
Kara Ayala: Yes. Totally. And I think like it’s just really about putting into perspective, like why you’re doing it and maybe letting it go of your ego a little bit, which can be hard for all humans. Like we all want that significance. And we want that, we want to be seen for what we’re doing. And sometimes as a mom and being a mom, you’re not seeing very well very much and what you’re doing out in the day to day, can’t be seen. But if you are a mom that’s really career driven, there’s nothing wrong with that as well, as long as you’re like taking a priority with your children and making sure that they know that they’re a priority too. I think when you have a child, it is your responsibility. They become your biggest responsibility.
So it is your responsibility to be there for them and be a support for them and show up as the best mom you can. And I really truly believe you can have both. You can have success and you can show the world what you have and give your gifts to the world, but also give those gifts to your kids because it’s a great example for your kids too, to see you working hard and to see you be driven and to see you show up as a leaner, but then also you’re leading and guiding them as well. So they’re not like second to your life. They’re actually a priority and it can be having equal priority as well. But relationships really are what matter in our lives. So if we’re putting a priority over any relationship, I would actually question if that is something really in your heart, or if it’s just something you’re following that other people are doing.
Mike Ayala: It’s so interesting. You say that you could have both, you could have financial freedom, you can have your own desires. You can have your own life and be a great mom. And I think that comes back to anything. I think there’s so many people that are trapped in thinking that, if they quit their job or they went out and started their own business or followed their dreams, whatever that looks like, they can’t see the freedom in that. They just look at it from a security standpoint. I love that you said that. If you want to be a mom and you want to be career-driven, you can have that, flip that you could still be a very successful mom and be career driven. But for the moms that are out there, that it’s their whole desire, which has been yours from the beginning to be a stay at home mom. I hear you saying that you can be a successful individual woman and be a successful mom.
Kara Ayala: Yes. I mean, and you need to be like, there’s so many moms that lose their identity in being just a mom and then their kids leave, and they have no identity. So I think it’s extremely important. If you are a mom that is staying at home, or that’s your main focus that you do, like take into consideration like your success and what else you can do, because you’re not here to just be a mom. You are here as a mom, but that’s not your only role in life and there’s gifts inside of you that the world needs. So absolutely you need to have other places to give to and making that time for yourself too, because so many times moms, they give everything. I mean, I was on a call yesterday with a couple of my mastermind friends and one of the ladies was saying, she’s just been torn. She doesn’t have time to focus on what she’s doing because she’s got three little kids and then she’s got her husband and they will also own a business, but she’s also trying to do something for herself, but she’s so bogged down by everybody else’s needs. So it’s so important that we focus on what we need as well, and be a little bit selfish in that, because that is also an example to your kids that you are important and you’re
showing them that they are important and what they want, and their life is important as well.
Mike Ayala: Yeah. And it’s so good too. And kids in general, just like employees or clients or anything else, they need to learn those boundaries. They need to learn that you need your time as well. So I’m thinking about, there’s a scripture in the Bible that talks about how, you know, children are arrows in the quiver of an Archer. As I’m just hearing you say all that, and it’s so, so many times we talk about legacy especially success minded, financially driven company type people. We talk about legacy. And I think a lot of times people think of legacy from a standpoint of, what am I going to leave my family? And what’s the next generation going to say about me and my wealth and like the Elon Musk, he changed space or whatever. But to me like legacy, when I look at what our kids are accomplishing, even today, our oldest is 20, our second is 18 and our youngest is 16. And I look at just what they, who they are and what they’ve become. And a big part of that is you. And I’m not saying that I don’t have a part of that too, but the fact that you’ve taken this approach and that that’s what you really wanted. I see that in the kids and that’s legacy in itself. What do you think about that?
Kara Ayala: Yeah, and I think to me like legacy, like, I think it’s great to leave your kids things, but if you can teach them to build their own things, that’s so much greater to me. Even my parents, if they died and left me something, I don’t really care about that. I don’t care about things. And I don’t think kids really do either. I mean, you want to build something that you can pass on to your kids, but more importantly, like what are you instilling them and how are you empowering them to create the life that they want and to live a life of their dreams? Because I think a lot of times, we just tell our kids go out there and try to get the best job and make the most money. But then they end up, when they’re 30 and they’re like, I hate my life. I don’t like what I’m doing. Whereas if you can instill in them in from the beginning, like never do something you don’t like not saying that you don’t have to put in work or do things that are difficult, but you can set that vision forth of like go out there and do something that you love and do it with purpose. And you can also make money doing that.
Mike Ayala: We put so much pressure. I’m not saying you and I, but just in general, we put so much pressure on our children, even as a society. Like, we start asking them when they’re in seventh grade, like, what are you going to be when you grow up? Like, what school are you going to go to? What college are you going to you? And I talk about this a lot. Like I’m on my fifth career or something like, I can’t imagine being 18 years old and trying to decide what I want to do for
the rest of my life. We put so much pressure on them. When in reality, I’ve often found myself saying this, like, I’ve never been that football dad that’s sitting on the sidelines, like yelling at my kid and telling him he has to, why didn’t you make that play and this and that. But we have to be really careful that we don’t take that into, trying to mold them into what we think success looks like, because it’s different for every individual. I don’t want anybody telling me what success looks like. I don’t want to tell you what success looks like. So I love that you point that out. They’re people, they’re just little people.
Kara Ayala: Yeah. And actually as you’re saying that, it’s like parenting is like a balance of a push and pull. You’re pushing them towards something great. But you’re also like allowing it, you have enough room of a pull to let them grow into what they want. So I think like giving them that space is so important, especially as they get into their teen years, like there are ready, back in the day they became adults when they were linked 13. So they’re already coming up with those, their own beliefs and stuff. And to allow them room to have to change their beliefs, to change the way that they think and not disgrace them for that, but allow them to question because that is where the growth happens is when they question and then they have that real truth of what they want and what they believe in themselves, because it wasn’t something that they were told. It’s something that they know in themselves.
Mike Ayala: That’s such a great observation. Like even back in the day, like we became adults when we were 13, our bodies are designed to become adults and we really hold our children back just again, as a society, but a world in general they are 8, 10, 12 years under our roof as adults that were trying to suppress them and tell them what they need to be doing. So I’ve watched you, I love the push and pull concept because I’ve watched you, and I think we’ve done that as well as a couple, but you let them go far enough and guide them back. And the one thing that I can say our kids are very open to you. I think you’ve created that environment where they feel comfortable coming to you because of that push pull mentality. It’s been pretty awesome.
Kara Ayala: Yeah. And I think another thing is having other people in your kids’ lives to help you parent, like we’re not meant to do this alone and having other trusted adults in their life, whether that be like a youth pastor or your other friends or family members, aunts, uncles people close to you that they can go to as well and letting your kids know that it’s okay. That you’re not their only source. I mean, I think I’ve been really open and honest with them. Like sometimes you are going to hate me. Like I’m not going to be your best friend and that’s okay. It’s okay that
you feel like that. And if you feel like you want to go to somebody else and get some advice or bring something to them, go for it, do it. Like, I would love for that because there’s nothing better than having other trusted adults around you, helping you raise your kids and knowing that they’re speaking good things into your kids, and it’s not something negative or going to detour their futures. But I think in doing that, I think I’ve allowed a space for them to be like, no, I want to come to you. They do go to other adults. But I do think that me just presenting that and letting them know that I’m okay with that makes them more want to come.
Mike Ayala: Yeah. That’s good. I think, I feel like even from the time our kids were little, we’ve treated them with a level of respect that they deserve. And I’ve thought about this a lot lately because I’ve had a lot of amazing, we’ve had a lot of amazing adults that have shared back with us, how great our children are and our children are, I think our used to, well, they’re young adults now, but they’re used to communicating and being in adult conversations. We have never treated them as little children, I don’t think. And so I think that’s been super valuable, on that note that you were talking about like, the other adults in their life and our life. We spend a lot of time again as successful driven adults thinking about what we really want, why we want it, just the Jim Rohn quote, you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. That’s such a valuable point that you made, because if you look around and you look at your inner circle of four or five adults or couples, I had somebody say this to me a while back, like a real look in the mirror on who you’re surrounding yourself with is do you trust those people to be mentors in your kid’s life?
Kara Ayala: Yeah. I mean, that’s so powerful and it really makes you examine what, who you’re friends with.
Mike Ayala: I had, I was with some really good friends of ours, I don’t know, a couple of weeks ago. And they were talking about if like where their kids would go and who they would be comfortable leaving their kids with. And that’s such an interesting conversation too, because a lot of times, you look at that inner circle of people around you. And a lot of times it’s not your parents. And a lot of times it’s not your brothers and sisters. And so then you have to look around at your inner circle and say, okay, well, if I died, who would I leave my kids with? And whether your kids are 2 or 20, it’s such a great exercise to really, it’s a great mirror. If you wouldn’t trust those people to mentor your kids, then what are they doing in your life?
Kara Ayala: That’s really powerful.
Mike Ayala: So lately you’ve been working and this, I guess a shameless plug here, you’ve been working on building out your own brand. And I think we go through seasons in life. We’ve talked a lot about parenting and being a mom, which was your core desire and you’ve raised amazing children. But lately you’ve had this strong desire to help women. Let’s talk about that a little bit. So you found yourself really women are just born to serve, and I don’t mean that in a degrading way, you guys are just, it’s in your DNA. So talk to me about that.
Kara Ayala: I think like just seeing other women and see them struggle with being a, just a mom or, even a career driven. I think that there’s a balance that needs to take place and there’s such a negative I don’t know vibe out there about regarding money. Money seems to be like a negative thing in people’s lives. And so I just really wanted to empower women, especially of like how money works and how to change that money mindset and that they can understand how money works so that if their husband leaves them at some point, or their husband dies, they know what to do, even if they don’t ever want to do anything with money, they know what to do if something like that happened.
Mike Ayala: Or what about if she leaves her husband?
Kara Ayala: Yeah. I mean, that’s, I mean, I have so many friends too that same note of who are in relationships that they probably wouldn’t leave if they have more financial benefits of like knowing how to handle finances. So yes, absolutely. Like you should have that power of choice to be able to leave a relationship if you’re not happy in it. And it shouldn’t be because of finances.
Mike Ayala: Yeah. And I’m not political. And, I tend to try to stay in the middle of most things because I see both sides of a lot of stuff. So I’m not like I’m okay with, I am woman hear me roar, but that’s not really what I’m talking about when I say what I’m about to say. Just like children are arrows in the quiver of an Archer, as men we should want our women to rise up and to be strong women. Whether their goal is to be the best mom in the world or whether their goal is to be the best, whatever she wants to be, we should support that. And I think there’s any time we’re seeing a great divide, whether it’s race, whether it’s sexism, whatever it is, it’s because there’s been people on both sides and it’s extremely polarizing. But I just want to, I want to recognize the people in the middle, because there’s a ton, probably the majority of relationships are strong.
They could be stronger if we really just focus in, on respecting each other and the gifts within an empowering each other. So just like this, just like we approach our
children, their arrows in the quiver of an Archer, we can have that same relationship in a marriage. And that’s what I love about what you’re teaching these women, because, and it’s interesting because you always say, what if your husband leaves you or what if your husband dies? But the other side of that too, is like women can stand alone and they should. And the reason why you take that stance is because usually you’re speaking to a group of women who probably are driven and have been moms and have been focused, but at the same time, men could be just as dangerous and hurtful in the relationship and lack of empowering, right?
Kara Ayala: Yes, absolutely. And I love that you talked about like being like respectful of each other and wanting each other to like grow. And I think that that is so powerful in a marriage is like two are better than one. Like if you can walk together in that, you can pull so much more. Like, I don’t remember what that scripture is in the Bible where the ox, do you know what I’m talking about? Anyways, you can pull a lot more together and you can do a lot more if you’re like going in the same direction together. I mean, you don’t have to be doing the same thing, but if your vision and your goals are like directing in the same way, like it’s so powerful. And I think a lot of people, we can get into that, like, Oh, it’s all about me, either way of our egos, either the man or the woman being like, Oh, it’s about me, it’s about me and leaving one behind, but why not come together like and empower each other? I mean, you got married for a reason. And I think sometimes we lose sight of like, why we married that person. And we actually love that person and we become enemies with each other. And then we’re fighting for that power and that ego. Whereas if you could just come alongside of each other and support each other in what you’re wanting to do, you can go so much further and so much faster together than you can alone.
Mike Ayala: So many relationship principles and conversations correlate to money and finance as well. There’s the principle of compound interest in money. Well, one plus one equals two, but two times two equals four, multiplication, and four times four equals 16. And so it’s that same principle and okay, Mike, what the heck are you talking about? Well, just like we talk about it in investing for freedom and a lot of it’s about financial, but what do you really want? Why do you want it? What are you going to do to get it? We’re always, or we should be at least we’re in a situation we are just talking about marriage. And even if your marriage isn’t ideal or you’ve grown apart, or it’s not giving you everything that you want, it’s that same conversation. What do you really want? What do you want your marriage to look like? What do you want your children to look like? What do you want your future to look like? It’s the same conversation. If you don’t like your current financial situation, what do you really want? Why do you want it? What are you
going to do to get it, measure results and adjust along the way? It’s the same thing with relationships, right? So I’m hearing what you’re saying. And I think it’s extremely important because even if you find yourself in a position where you’ve never really thought about it, whether it’s the man or the woman in their marriage or relationship, you can change that. And I’ve watched this before. We’ve lived through this. We heard somebody say, or maybe you said it as long as one of us is always on, It’ll be successful.
Kara Ayala: Yeah. And I think that, that has been like the success of us is there’s never, we’ve never both been like throwing our hands up at the same time. There’s definitely been times where you’ve been like, Oh, and I’m dragging you or the opposite. I’m like, ugh, And you’re dragging me. But I like it a lot better when we’re going together. And how you were talking about like how we can change those relationships. It’s all like that be, do have. So if I want my husband to show up as this certain person who do I have to be for him to treat me like that, who do I have to show up for him to start recognizing me as that person? And I think that a lot, and even with your kids, if I want my kids to act a certain way, what kind of a parent do I need to be? Like, just reversing everything back to yourself,
changes. And that’s the way money works too. Like, and I talk a lot about in my programs, what is your money story? Where did it come from? Because, we just go by all these rules and these stories in our head that aren’t even our own. They’re not even beliefs that we have, they are beliefs that have been instilled into us by our parents, churches, schools. And we don’t ever question any of these things and this doesn’t just apply to money. It applies to relationships; it applies to everything. And if we can start showing up as that best version of ourselves and changing those stories in our heads and saying, Hey, this is who I want to show up as, and then just doing it, acting like that person. You just start being that person today. Then things start changing in your life. That is like such a big life changing thing that can happen in your life.
Mike Ayala: It’s such a great principle. Coming back to a lot of times when we want something, we look at how we can get it. And you’re talking about going introspect and how do I change who I am? How do I change who I show up as in order to get that result? Just even before this, I said, I’m going to start having you on my podcast every five or six weeks. And you said, are you asking me? And that’s just a simple, it’s just a little mindset shift. And so the reason why I bring that up, it’s really difficult to hurt somebody that you don’t know, or you don’t have an intimate relationship with. And that’s a familiarity thing, right? Like I think the more time we spend together, whether it’s our children, whether it’s business partners, whether it’s clients that we take advantage of, because they’ve been our
clients for 10 years, it’s all the same principle. And so in marriage or parenting, or even again in clients making sure that we don’t become familiar, I think is extremely important. And I think the easiest way is to do what you just said and always look inward, who do I have to become in order to get the result that I want, whether it’s business. What kind of business and customer service and team do I have to build in order to get that result? Okay. If my children are being a certain way that I don’t like, how am I not showing up? If I’m not getting what I want out of my marriage, how am I not showing up? Such a great point.
Kara Ayala: Yeah. I mean, everything is a mirror to you. Everything that’s happening in your life is a mirror of like, what is going on inside of you. So we can just go inside and change those narratives. We can change our lives, our whole life.
Mike Ayala: So I’d like to ask for couples out there that, either they’re thinking they’re financially they’re going to come together in their marriage. They’re building a career together. They’re building a business together, or they’re both building their own careers and trying to remain successful. What’s some of the advice that you would offer them in order to not grow apart or to stay together and focused?
Kara Ayala: I mean, I think date nights are extremely important and they need to be happened once a week, at least, and then getaways to like find time to get away without your kids, without work, without distractions and you know, three times a year, go away and spend time together and get to know each other. And then I think, spending time a little bit every day too, like sometimes we go on walks. We’re not super diligent about it right now, cause it’s super-hot, but I think that’s a really good time to just like reconnect with each other during the day. And then another thing that I think is super, extremely important is realizing that you are not going to be the same person you are today, as you are in 30 years. So learning that you’re going to grow and you’re going to change. And that person that you married is probably going to grow and change too. And so I think a lot of times people get married and then wake up five years down the road and they’re like, you’re not the same person. Of course you’re not the same person. Like we should not be the same person we were 20 years ago. And so if you’re not growing and that person’s growing, your marriage is going to end. So you have to grow together, and you have to be setting goals together as well. And looking at a future and a vision that suits both of you. And sometimes, you want things that I’m like, is that really necessary? But I’m like, Hey, okay, I’ll back you up. Like whatever you want. And same with me. Like, there’s things that I want that you’re like, are we really going to do that? And I’m like, yes, we’re really going to do that. So I think just
supporting each other’s wild dreams and maybe crazy things going on that we want is extremely important too.
Mike Ayala: That’s good. You said that you’re going to change, right? Everybody changes. We should change. It’s healthy to grow, but you could change in a negative way too. And that’s why it’s so important to stay connected, I think. And also not be judgmental. And that’s hard. That’s hard to do. That’s hard to do just as humans in general, but again, we only are able to hurt those that we love the most and we only get, I mean, the more you love someone and the more time you spend with them, the more frustrated you could get. And so understanding number one, that people change, but also being able to have an open environment where we can communicate through that change is extremely important, which I think is the key. I think what you said is so powerful, the date nights, the constant communication, not growing apart because we are going to change. And if we only connect once a month on a deep level, or once every six months, literally I’ve heard men say before that, they’re going to set a goal to go out on a date once a quarter, because they’ve been so busy with their kids and work. And I’m not saying we’ve never, I don’t know that we were always consistent about date nights. I don’t know, to be honest, but we are now. And so we’re going to change. We’re going to grow. We’re either going to grow or we’re not. And making sure that we’re connected I think that’s extremely important.
Kara Ayala: Yeah. Another thing too, is what other couples are you hanging out with? That is huge. If you’re hanging out with couples that are fighting all the time or they have bad relationships, it’s the same as hanging out with your friends. So, take inventory of your couple friends because your marriage is probably going to end up like the couples around you. So that’s really important as well as like taking just inventory of who you’re hanging out with. Or maybe that’s not even a couple, maybe it’s a friend, but their lifestyle doesn’t line up with a family lifestyle or a couple of lifestyle. And so you’re off doing things that probably aren’t good for your marriage. So I think that that’s extremely important to you is just like taking inventory of who you’re hanging out with outside of your marriage as well.
Mike Ayala: That’s good. I’ve found myself; I’m quoting a scripture in the Bible a lot over the last few years. There’s a scripture that talks about, you know, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, but lose his soul, which is an eternity conversation. What good is it for a man to gain everything the world, but then live a horrible Eternity whatever that looks like for the listeners. Well, I’ve found myself saying this a lot lately, too. What does it benefit us to be super financially successful, achieve all of our goals, but have our marriage fall apart on us or have
our children end up in jail or on drugs or, and they’re individuals and they are going to make their own choices? So you may have been the best parent in the world and had some issues. Nobody’s perfect. My mom worked her tail off for me and I still ended up in trouble, but what does it profit us to gain all the business and hit our goals and everything else, but to lose our marriage and our children.
Kara Ayala: Yeah. I think that that is so important. And I think that just comes back to the why as well, because sometimes we say we’re doing it for our family, but really are we doing it for our family or are we doing it for our ego? So if we’re really doing it for our family let’s take a step back and say, Hey, what do we need to adjust to really make it about our family? And I like the point that you made about like, our kids are going to make their own choices. And I think that that is a huge thing for us as parents as well is, we just have to show up as our best self and then let them go. Which is the hardest part about parenting is letting them go and make those choices, whether they be bad or good because they are individuals. So we don’t own them. And we don’t own our spouse either. So we can’t control what they do. And only thing that we can control is ourselves. So, and how we react to it. So if we can just show up as our best self, I mean, we’re responsible for ourselves. And so no matter what your kids end up doing, if they’re in a rough spell right now, I mean, just keep being there for them, keeping being a support for them and loving them in the best way that you know how, and then same with your spouse. Like you’re not, you can’t control other people’s emotions and you can’t control their actions. You can only control yourself.
Mike Ayala: Well, and that’s a win, win. I mean, again, everything kind of correlates back to the same thing in life. There’s principles, there’s values, right? And I think a lot of times we get values confused with goals. Values are, I want to be a good husband, right? Values are I want to be healthy. A goal is I want to lose 10 pounds. Value is I want to be healthy. A value is I want to be the best husband I could possibly be, a value as I want to have a tight family unit. A goal is I want to go on one date night a week. So the win win, I mean, everything I think comes back to the middle. If you’re going to have a successful marriage, business, partnership, you’re going to be a successful parent, you’re going to have a tight family unit. It’s coming back to a win-win. And I love what you just said about the kids. And that comes back to the push pool. Kind of have to let them go a little bit but stay close enough. And the love, that’s so powerful because no matter what they’re going through, I mean, there does come a point in time in any relationship where you, whether it’s a marriage or children, you may have to let them go. You can still love them. You don’t have to be evil to them. So I love that, but I don’t think we have to get there if we stay focused and centered. Again, people are going
to make their own choices. I mean, if you did everything you possibly could as a spouse, they may still leave and that’s not on you. So tell me a little bit more about your course in what you’re working on.
Kara Ayala: So I do like a group coaching. It’s usually a smaller group of women. The next one is in August, August 16th. And what we do is we just meet once a week and we go over your money story. The first two weeks are all about just rewriting that story that’s in your mind. The things that you’ve been told, and we really revamped that story that you have around money. So that as a positive one. And then the second two weeks are all about how money works in the system and how, if you don’t know the rules of money, you can’t make it work for you. And money is a tool. So if we can learn to use money as a tool to benefit us, that it’s super powerful. And then the last two weeks are all about how do you get money to work for you? So, at first, you’re working for money, but then you’re trading your time for money, but then how do you get that money to start working for you, so you’re not having to trade your time. You’re just sending out your little soldiers of money to work for you, to bring back more for you. And that just gives you the freedom that you need. And then I usually bring in you to speak about real estate, because I think real estate is super powerful and it’s a great asset and there are so many benefits to it. So I will always love to bring in that. And then I always bring in a guest, one of my super awesome successful friends and to speak about how their money mindset has changed and what impact it’s had in their life. So it’s really powerful. I feel like everyone that’s went through it has loved it. I’m also probably going to be doing like a Facebook group for like a lower cost. And so the value will still be there, but it’ll be, more low touch, but it’ll have a community part of it and where you can come, and we can all just grow together.
Mike Ayala: I love it. I have probably 37 different questions and topics I could ask you. And so that just kind of, I think it’d be really cool if you actually would come on every five or six or eight weeks and we just hit a topic. Cause I’m sitting here thinking about risk. And just, there’s so many we could say risk. And then there’s things that we could talk about situations where, I’m super risky and you’re less. And how do we meet in the middle? So would you be interested in that? Anything else you want to talk about?
Kara Ayala: I don’t think so.
Mike Ayala: Well I appreciate you being on, what does freedom mean to you?
Kara Ayala: Freedom means to me that I can go wherever I want and do whatever I want and if I want to buy anything can buy it. And if I want to take my family on a vacation and I want to leave tomorrow, I get up and do it and I can change my schedule. And it’s fine.
Mike Ayala: I like it. When did you realize you didn’t have the freedom you want, or does it always change?
Kara Ayala: I think it does always change. I’m just going to think back to like the first time that I realized we didn’t have freedom; I think is when Dylan was in the hospital. And we had to leave, and we were out of town for a month, but we still weren’t getting paid. So although we did have our freedom, because we had that freedom to do that. We were lacking financially and got into a lot of medical debt during that time because of it. So to me, freedom is both of those things that can’t just be time freedom, they all correlate together.
Mike Ayala: I agree with that. And we talk a little bit, I don’t want to go too far into this, but there’s like really a circle in life, right? Like there’s a bunch of areas in life that you really have to gain your freedom over and it’s never going to be a perfect circle. But I agree. I mean, when I was gone for a month and I’m not working, I don’t get paid. And so even though I had a job where they worked with me and they allowed me to go, they didn’t fire me or let me go. We didn’t get paid. What freedom do you protect more than others? Time, money, etc., or do they all play together?
Kara Ayala: I think time, time freedom is huge for me. Time is the most valuable thing that you have.
Mike Ayala: I agree, you protect your time. I mean, everything else should line up, right? What’s one way you use leverage to gain more freedom.
Kara Ayala: That’s a good question. I think having passive income has really, I think we’ve leveraged our real estate really well and it’s allowed us freedom if we wanted to not do anything we could. And we would live a pretty decent life for the rest of our lives. We don’t stop there because we like growth. And we like challenge, I think mostly, but I think that that’s probably the biggest area that we’ve used.
Mike Ayala: I like it. What’s one thing you use to do yourself and now you pay someone else to do it to create more freedom that has had the largest impact on you.
Kara Ayala: Oh man this is a really good one. So years ago I hired a house cleaner and it really helped me. And then recently this last year I would do my own laundry though. And this last year, our laundry, I did everybody’s laundry. And this last year, Mike was like, I would just be bogged down because I was getting busier with my stuff and I wouldn’t have time and I’d be doing laundry all night and he’d be like, why don’t you just hire somebody? But there was something in my mind, I’m all he that’s you. There was something in my mind that was like telling me that I had to do that. Like, it’s my responsibility to wash everybody’s clothes. And so I finally just took that step because I was going to be gone for like pretty much the whole month. I think I was going to be home like seven days. And I didn’t want my kids to have that to be a burden on them. I just, not that I don’t think that they can do their own laundry, but I wanted it to be ease for me leaving. Cause I don’t usually leave for that long. So I was like, I’m just going to hire somebody to do my laundry for this period. Well, I’ve never, ever done laundry since, and it’s been such a, it’s such a time commitment doing laundry. And I know it seems silly, but it’s been huge for me.
Mike Ayala: Well, and the crazy thing about laundry and stuff like that is, it’s not like you can just carve out an hour and it’s done, right. It’s an ongoing thing that weighs on you for a lot of hours a week and it might sound crazy, but it brings up other like this morning I was going to get some, a shirt out and there’s like this little tiny like tube top shirt hanging in my closet. And so with anything with leverage, you have to work through the process and train them. So just kind of a funny little side note, but it is interesting that we look at things like that because so many people are okay with paying a landscaping company to do their yard or paying somebody to wash their car, which actually paying somebody to wash your car once a week is more expensive than paying somebody to do your laundry sometimes. So I heard Sean Stephenson say one time I was at a dinner with him though. And I think this is a good point based on what you’re talking about. He was talking about how Mindy would want him to help do dishes. And he would be like, well, why don’t we just pay somebody to do dishes? And through that process, it was never really about whether they could afford that or not. And so even the laundry thing, like I literally remember you being out of town and chasing kids and having to do laundry. And I was like, this is stupid. Like, and wanting not only for me, but for you and maybe it was more selfish for me, but like, I I’m like Kara is coming back. We have to get the laundry done. And so again, it’s selfish, but at the
same time, maybe your spouse, this is a good, like, I guess segue here. Until you get on the same page, you have to deal with that as well. And that was Shawn’s point whether you could afford to pay somebody to do the dishes or clean the house or whatever, just because you can’t afford it, until you get an alignment on that you’ve got to support that.
Kara Ayala: Yeah, that’s so true. And I also think like once you start allowing some of these things to go, that is, by our culture, things that we should be doing ourselves, like yes, you can do that. Absolutely you should be able to physically clean your house or physically do your laundry or physically do your yard work. But the time freedom that it gives you is so powerful. And so I think just like maybe just trying one thing out is a good step because then you’re like, Oh my gosh, I have all this free time for activities.
Mike Ayala: And sometimes those could be personal health. It could be mental health; it could be emotional health. Or maybe it’s, I constantly ask the question or make the statement. I can’t afford not to pay somebody to do this. Because if I have to pay a $100 a week or $50 a week or whatever, what does it cost for you to get your laundry done every week?
Kara Ayala: I feel like it was $50.
Mike Ayala: I mean, come on. Like, and yeah, okay, some people might be saying that’s a lot of money and I get that. But if the amount of time, I mean, it probably took you four hours, five hours throughout the week. I know you’re not constantly doing it.
Kara Ayala: Not only the hours that it took me, but the mind space that it took in my mind of, like, I got to do this, it’s just like taking up space on my mind more. I could be thinking about more, creating more things or creating things for my kids, like conversations going and doing things with them, so I think it’s just about perspective.
Mike Ayala: Well, that was really good. So where can people find you? I mean, we could go on for probably days.
Kara Ayala: Probably the easiest way is on my Instagram, kara_ayala. And I’m working on my webpage right now, but it’s not quite up.
Mike Ayala: And what will that be?
Kara Ayala: www.karaayala.com.
Mike Ayala: Nice. Cool. Well, I appreciate you being on. I think this was
probably super valuable and if you’ll do it, I would love to have you on more. Kara Ayala: Sure.
Mike Ayala: All right.